The Unforgiving Heart

At length, I tried to calm her.  All my tactics are squandered.  She was unhappy and not enjoying my presence.

At last, I got upset.  I let her be herself.  She still did not show any sign of happiness.  I waited for the time for everything to come back to normal.  I don’t know what her heart wants.

I have no work.  I did not work anymore.  I could not afford anything for her.  But I want her to be happy being with me, which seems to be too much to ask for.  It is difficult.  I am helpless!

She came to me.  She felt wrong, may be sorry.  I am still upset.  I have an unforgiving heart!  I was envious of her attitude.

Let me tell you that I am talking about my two-year-old daughter and me.  We were having trouble today.  I don’t even know how it started.

She has forgiven me.  She was upset no more.  She was smiling bright at my very face.  I need to be happy too.  But I can’t change suddenly.  Slowly, I became happy, seeing her smiling face.

It seems weird, and it is, to most of you.  I’d wished I can be easily happy like her, on many occasions.  It is a very good thing to learn from my child; an intoxicated heart.  Most of all, her forgiving heart, naturally.

However, I am well past that age, I said to myself.  I don’t know if it’s only me.  I have that Unforgiving Heart.  I wanted to forgive and forget, at the least forget many of my past life.  It is not easy.  It simply came back in the most inappropriate time.

It is one of the devices of Satan.  And Satan did take advantage of it. (2 Cor. 2:11)  That is why we feel the pain.

Innumerable times I’d asked God to help me in the process.  And I still am.  Since, it is an infighting that had taken a toll on me.  Most of time, I feel free from the clutches of these sinful practice.  But once, it came back it is harsh.

Love your enemy, the Bible tells.  They are not my enemy but I cannot love them.  I want this phase to pass soon but it has its purpose, which I did not know yet.

Should I be able to express and spit out as easy as I could, I’d hoped it might help a lot.  Most of life’s occurrences are stored inside me.  But when that store room was cleansed there’s no joy that can be compared with!

When the spirit worked inside me, letting Him fully taking control of me, the heart is at peace.  God has forgiven my sin.  So, should I truly be forgiven I must be able to forgive others.  As I said, it is a spiritual battle that needs to be fought every now and then.

“Father, forgive them.  For they do not know what they do.” Jesus Christ pleaded the Father. (Luke 23:34)  Because of this prayer we lived till date.

In Him, we can forgive.  In Him, we can forget.  It is so sweet to trust in Jesus Christ.

Forgiveness can helps us. (Matthew 6:15)  In order to be forgiven, we should forgive others.

This is one of the lessons I’d learn as a Dad.  Still struggling many times yet will overcome with the might of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling in the heart.

It is a battle to conquer the Unforgiving Heart like mine.  I didn’t know yours.

Let me end herewith this verse from the Holy Bible:  “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matt. 19:26)

Abiding Grace: The Joy of Creating Our Own Niche’

Leaf stucked in between
Finding niche’ in between

In His abiding grace, we are allowed to create a living zone that suited our existence here on earth.  Yet, one must noted that creating our own niche’ outside God’s abiding grace would hamper our living.

We have that place, situation, state of mind with serene beauty where we can find peace as well as conditions that suits our living.  In pursuing certain numbers of our goal, we needed to be out of our ‘comfort zone’ as well.

Although we couldn’t possess enough wisdom to create our own world, we try to create it anyways.  In His abiding grace, God has given us to live in our own comfort to the extend we wanted to stretch it very often.

We are allowed to create our own niche’ even in the workplace.  When we can our own niche we called ourselves settled, which may mean we get adjusted or people get adjusted to us.  There are some who do not want adjustments at the cost of others.

From reading newspaper to surfing the web, there are certain things to take care in life.  Each morning when we opened the newspaper, we need to decide the news articles to scan through or to give it a miss.  Reading through the hardcore crimes in detail might be harmful to some of us.

Vulgarity has different dimensions in different parts of the world.  Viewing or seeing vulgar pictures or contents is not good for the weak in mind and body.  So, some people try to be in-between; categorizing contents and pictures, by ourselves.

Criticisms are important for living.   It can help us to be a better person.  In the meantime, harsh criticisms might dampen someone’s virtue.  We all have different take or approached to critics.  It is better to be open to criticisms but we should also be careful choosing words in criticizing others.

Wealth is a major factor for divisions in life.    Poor and rich are separated by a huge gap.  In our mind, at least, we should be in-between.  Providing space for every person to flourish in this earth is a must.  The dividing society seldom yielded a welfare state.

Let me reiterated here again that in our every sphere of life; every pace of life, every level of life, every reason for our living, we can create our own niche’ in His abiding grace.  Comfort in the non-comfortable circumstances, rest in the hurried way of life, guaranteed in Hi grace.

It is a privilege to never let loose, for someone who are abided in His grace.  Never rebuke someone for not complying your view of life.  Encourage them to shine in their status achievable.

In our every way of life, we are bonded in His abiding grace.

Before the time comes: The Waiting Period

“Don’t be afraid.  Jesus (Christ) will calm the storm when the time comes!”

My five-year-old son consoled his baby-sister.

One evening, strong tropical monsoon winds blew the neighborhood unexpectedly.  As it generally happened with our young ones, our little daughter was covered in fear.   The trees bending up and down were a rare sight for her.

Wind blowing felt in trees
Wind blowing gently

Few days before, I was narrating when Jesus Christ calmed the squall in the Sea of Galilee.  The disciples were unhappy with their Teacher being asleep in such dangerous situation.  They felt He didn’t care enough for them as they had expected. (Matt. 8:23-26)

No one knows how long the wind will blow.  Nor did we have authority over the winds.  Several measures can only be taken to take shelter.  Modern technologies also failed to measure the exact consequences.

So, it is important to know what to do, how to do, just before ‘the time’ comes.  Jesus Christ rose from the dead but after three days.  The waiting period was three days.

On the road to Emmaus; “…we were hoping that it was He who was going to redeem Israel. Indeed, besides all this, today is the third day since these things happened.”  They are lonely and deeply troubled.  The news of Christ’s Resurrection, simply, astonished them.  (Luke 24:19-35)

Several times, the pain, caused by the neurological disorder, in my body was hard to tolerate.  Yet the time has not come when I will be completely free from it.  It will come sooner or later, in His time.

So, in the meantime, I should not be left discourage or afraid.  I needed to remind myself this more often than before.  He will calm the storm one day.

Fear often overshadows faith.  When the pain is there, it is a good reminder that I am conscious and fully alive.  Fear kept the going troubled.

It is wonderful how one get strength – from where and when.  This time it comes from my son.  As he consoled his baby sister who was in distress, often times I am the one who needed to be consoled.

When you are hit back by what you’ve told others about comfort, being God as our refuge.  It makes me wonder whether I did less in the past or not.  It can become an important step forward in the way of life.

Wait on the Lord, with all your heart.

Finding Favor

Not by our choice we are given this life.  God had given us the privilege to live this beautiful life.   God created the earth and its inhabitants.  ‘And God saw that it was good,’ it is written.  We are one among them.  Then, sin entered the world.  It was growing ever since, it seems.  Now there is no one who can find favor in the eyes of the Lord.

Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of their heart was only evil, continually.  And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart. So the Lord wanted to destroy them.  But Noah found favor in the eyes of the Lord.  Among mankind, it was only Noah who was still righteous.  Here we can see that the Lord was always watching mankind.

Noah was the only person who did not engrossed himself in the wickedness.  One commentary mentioned that the earth did not need rain till that time.  Dew drops were sufficient for the vegetation, which implies that it would difficult for him to believed God’s word about the ensuing flood.  In his great faith, he built an Ark as commanded, which saved his whole family and the creatures.

Noah was also a human like us.  He must have his chances to indulge in the wicked things.  Finding favor in the workplace and in the family itself is hard.  We knew it.  But consider this; Noah found favor in the Lord.  Let us also strive to find favor in the Lord first.  Then all things will fall in order in the workplace and in the family.

Noah was a just man, perfect in his generations.  He did all things as commanded by the Lord.  He spent his time with the Lord.

While I was reading this, Enoch came to my mind.  Enoch walked with God, and God took him.  His death was not mentioned.  While walking with the Lord he was no more.  He spent his time with God.   God wanted friendship from us.  He wanted to stay connected, always.

God is good to those who seek refuge in Him.  He even saved them from the wicked world.  He did NOT let favoritism play spoilsport.  He is not selfish.  Should we try to find favor among our beings, it simply resulted in bitterness.  It won’t be longer still before God destroys the earth.  Let us seek refuge in Him.  In Him, we find comfort and complete happiness.

Does the way of the wicked instill fear?

Nearer we drew to Thee, our Rock of Refuge

Does the world call us to shun God?

Let us strive to walk with Him, always.

Fallen Leaf

 

We were strolling in the park nearby with my little ones.  A cool breeze was blowing unexpectedly in the evening.  Scorching heat of the sun was experienced throughout the day.  By the way, it might rain tomorrow.

Few days ago, my children came home from school.  He said, “Daddy, I bring some home work for you. ”  The assignment was to make symbolic bird’s nest for school activity.   It was indeed homework for parents as Pre-school children are not able to do nothing on their own.

fallen leaf on the ground
Fallen Leaf

Now, here in the park, we were searching for dry twigs and fallen leaves to make a symbolic bird’s nest for my children. My son refused to pick up some fallen leaves.  He told me that they were too new and looks so good to be picked up play with.  I told him that we need to pick them up as they cannot be put back in the branches.  “Oh!” he sighed.

While we were still under those trees, few leaves fall on the ground.  So my son was wondering, “Why are they falling down when they can be used by the tree?”

“The wind was blowing hard so they can’t stand the force,” I replied.

So we picked up the leaves, even the new leaves.  After all, they are fallen.  They are dead.

The process of photosynthesis was explained in its simplest terms.  And we talked about trees.  The importance of trees for clean air was reiterated.  Being responsible in our role and to live in harmony during our short span of life was also told.

The leaves, after they fell, are unable to perform their duties.  I told my children, “They did not travel.  They did not change places.  But still they have their given role.  They worked to sustain the life of the tree, where they grew.  They worked together responsibly.”

“When they move, they move together.  They did not complaint each other.  The green leaves look bright and happy, always.  They are shining because they are happy.”  I continued.

Yes, it might be simple and boring for adults.  But for children, they are in learning mode so they get attracted and learned the lessons in simple things too.  Many times, our life span was compared to the flowers, which dried up in the evening.

By now you must have known the reason I told this simple activity.  Living together responsibly and harmoniously is one among the essence of life.

Special Time; Story Time at Home

Story time with children
Story time at home

It was mostly quiet at this time of the day.  For most of the city slickers, it is time to take rest just after having their lunch.  My children were done with their assigned work.  It was calm, and the wind was lazy, just before taking their noon time nap, it was story time for us.

“Papa, tell us a story,” they demanded .  Our special time is about to begin.

They would settle down into their favorite place, or should I say, ‘our story place’ of the house facing the trees.  I’d gather them around my arms and hold them together to narrate stories, which I hope would have morals in their life.  I have the chance to pick the genre of stories, but not always.

For a Dad, who was no more working, it was always special to be able to spend precious time with my children.  Most of the time, stories told by my Dad and Granddad, in my younger days were retold.  It was a time to inculcate knowledge about the reality of life to the young minds.

Relatively important topics like; why people die? Why is my sister a female? Why not all humans are male? and the likes, were covered in these times.  It was always a special moment in a day.

Why did Mommy need to work?  This needed to be answered many times.  Most of the times, my kids get emotional, and, I feel, draw closer to me.  But what is more important is to tell them the importance of what Mommy is doing for them.  Balancing act needed to be done cautiously.

One thing that made me happy was their eagerness to learn and knows the life stories of Jesus Christ.  After every short stories or topic-wise discussion, came up the demand for at least a brief incident in the life of Jesus.  That always ended up with me enacting the implications of what has been told.

This small practice, simply, many times reminded me of the sharpness of young minds.  How the world has changed the mind of people and the impact of technology on their minds, which I will later discuss here, can be seen.

It makes life worth living.  Happiness can be seen from small things in life rather than the much-anticipated or highly-rated social events.

Hope keeps you afloat: A Loner’s song

At some point in life you have no escape route

You don’t know why you are here and none bothered

You seem to stuck deeper the more you try to move out

Your hard work paid off when it seems you are doing fine

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

 

At a late stage in your life hit a wall and stumbled upon

Bound by string of responsibilities put upon you

Where you simply cannot succeed anymore to take care

Where you simply cannot think the way-out

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

 

The scent of happiness seems fainted away

Looked at everything and were unable to see the beauty of it

The beauty of what you observed are still intact

They never knew what is still inside of you

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

 

You cannot see excitement in almost anything

Your life is becoming dull day-by-day as was your thought

They would assume it was a result of your own deeds

Oh! Where would you go? You’ve lost way

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

 

It became a big task to search for in this stage,

When your time and resources are limited

The only hope is in Heavenly Father who knew it all

But then you were not good enough for Him as well

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.

Hope, hope, hope…keeps you afloat.