The Unchanging Amount of Love

“I am sorry. But this doesn’t change the amount of love in the house,” I said to my children while letting them do their homework, ending their free time for a moment.

There are times when I need to reiterate my love for them. I do love them, but when something goes wrong I need to intervene and take action. My interventions cannot, always, be sweet and welcomed by them.

Some restrictions and limitations needs to be followed by me, which in my hope would extract the best out of them while preserving their innate quality. It is my obligation, as a parent, to guide them to the best of my knowledge and belief. (Proverbs 3:12)

We have this notion that the amount of love in the family gets depleted in due course of time. Time doesn’t change the amount of our love. We might not say ‘I love you’ as much before as we did today. However, with each time passing by our love grew. And it’s better to tell each other our love than not.

By not agreeing to every decision of ours, the amount of love doesn’t change at all. They are sacrifices made for combating the unity of the family. Every member of the family contributes in different ways. If we could build a good family it reflected in the society.

As we go on with our lives, there could be several factors which could make us think that the amount of love gets change. We met different kind of people in our daily life who could influence, in good or bad, our way of thinking.

For example, parenting is a vast subject whose practicality depends massively on every father or mother. Our way of raising children might differ with our vision. Children are quick to spot the difference and for them the grass always looks greener on the other side. We’ve been through it so it doesn’t require detailed explanation.

It was not a good feeling being unable to play with my children, inside and outside the house. Leave aside playing, there are times when it is difficult speaking and talking with them due to some unwanted side effects of medicine intake. However, our amount of love doesn’t change at all. It’s just that our activities are limited.

What Amount of Love?

As we grow up, our parents have entrusted us to carry on with the instruction they have given before. Their amount of love doesn’t change, they missed us. Some of us mistook their less intervention as denigrating their love. But it was not.

In the meantime, it would be a good experience if we could show the amount of love we had for our families and people around us. It’s just a wish and not a possibility. There are few things money can show but far greater what’s inside the heart. Love Meter, Love Calculator, and the likes are developed, which are meant for entertainment.

There is an amount of love which never changes; it is the love of God. There might be times when I felt I was less valued, His love never changes. It is my state of mind which occupies my heart at certain times. His love never changes. It is the same forever.

As it happened, there could be times we questioned the amount of love we get. In the face of adversities, sufferings, and failures we tend to poise many questions to our God. It wasn’t easy to go through such situations; our heart is filled with loneliness.

Sometimes, ‘Why God? Where is your love?’ could be our inner cry. We wanted to get the full love and attention of God. We wanted our adversities be lifted; our problems get solved, in His abiding love. Yet many of the afflictions are for straightening our path although it’s hard to see at the moment. (Hebrew 12:7-11)

God’s love never changes; yet we missed many of them when our relationships failed. When our relationship is not good, we saw it as receiving less love.

Bargaining the amount of love we get, actually, depends on the state of our mind. When God’s love never changes we took as an amount which can be change. However, the amount towards our love for God keeps fluctuating, which causes rift inside our heart.

So in its practical sense, following God via our dogmatically inclined practices makes our heart vulnerable to the work of evil. Above all, God’s love is the greatest and the source of all love. Any amount of love stemming out of Him could never be intolerable.

The Greatest Love of All:

When we’re in love, we wanted to change the fate of our beloved in the best way possible. But since we have nothing in our hand, we can end up the other way round.

In John 3:16, the truest sense of love was found. It surpassed any amount of love in this world. The amount of love required for a man to change their life completely. The greatest amount of love was shown, given, and rewarded in giving us an everlasting life.

It reads: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

This is the amount of love we get. It is always up for grab once we believe in the Son of God; Jesus Christ.

Selfishness and Sufferings

There is no exception to our selfish ambition while in sufferings. Selfishness needs to be tamed, and that’s the hard part.

Selfishness resulted in suffering. And it is true the other way round. They go hand in hand yet they should not be together as selfishness would cause greater sufferings.

Here we will talk about selfish ambitions only in the context of a suffering person. Let us put aside those selfish ambitions for riches and personal gains for the time being.

Well, infighting has been going, on and on, in a suffering mind. It is caused by the outward physical pain and the daily happenings. In the end, selfishness becomes an integral part of a sufferer.

At my Hospital Bed
In the midst of suffering

Entertainment, once they are, in the form of plays, music, and the likes, could become a hindrance in living a normal life. I have been in this situation for a while now. I won’t talk deep about it here but there are occurrences I have to endure in my epileptic disorder. And sometimes it’s difficult to blend in with the normal surroundings.

Pain was caused in many forms. Not all forms can be avoided. But there are times when I thought some the causes could be avoided. That is when my selfishness came up. Selfishness, in turn gave way to more pain in the mind. And that’s my problem too.

In living a life, there are obligations that cannot be ignored. I feel bad when I cannot conform to the demands of people around me. I felt that I was selfish because I have to limit my activities.

In that way, the interests of people around me were neglected. At times, I found myself to be egocentric and self-centered in approach because of my weak physical condition.

May be, that is why the Bible gave no exception to any circumstances when selfishness could be utilized in normal living. Selfishness destroys unity and steadfastness to God.

There’s none who enjoy life for a longer period in solitary. Just for a short time, it might be enjoyable. I am not sure about that. We must learn to adjust in the interest of other. Submerging in our self-interest is being selfish.

Disturbances in life could be a blessing. If there’s nothing to bother life would be dull. Eventually, loneliness would ruin and kill our life.

Selfishness as a Stronghold:

A stronghold is a fortress where one can take refuge and safely dwelled with minimum threat. Here in this case, it is that fort inside our human heart where the evil could safely thrive in.

Selfishness could be a stronghold for the evil to dwell if it is not destroyed from time to time. If left unattended the fortress might be difficult to get uprooted. And that is what I wanted to do every day.

It has parasitic character which would eventually eat up its host; here our life or character. It has to be crushed, one day at a time, with the help of the Holy Spirit.

No one can simply spin ourselves in a cocoon while we are on the march. We are to work together as a team in a family, society, and in the church. Yet we are tempted, in many forms, to be a little selfish, manage ourselves, and stay away from people.

Beyond Selfishness:

Now, let’s see, in the Bible, what Apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:2-3) There’s no exception given here.

People suffer, even the righteous suffer yet it could become the source of their renewed strength from the Lord. When the Lord blessed our sufferings it can bring joy in our life.

There is a time for all – time to suffer, time to rest. It is my hope that this phase would be used by God in strengthening my faith.

We all suffer but in different ways. There is no great and small sufferings, the pain inflicted might cause same destruction. But in the blood of Christ we can be made whole again.

Rejoice in every situation, says the Bible. In reality, it is really difficult but there must be a way out, I hope. Let us present our request to God, in prayer and petition, with thanksgiving. (Philippians 4:4-7)

In that way, the peace of God will transcend understanding while in suffering. Further, God would safeguard our heart and mind, in Christ Jesus, throughout our journey.

There are still many people, saints and servant-hearted, who could help others despite their sufferings. I want to be like them!

Dear reader, if you too are still in your suffering phase I empathize with you. It is my prayer God would guide us through this phase without causing further self-inflicting pain in the process.

May the face of God shine brighter, amidst our sufferings, in our daily life!

The Smell of Harvest

The sun, at least for this year, seems to be waning a little. Autumn is here. It is time for harvesting paddy rice in different parts of the world.

I gazed out at my window while sipping hot water in the morning. I could sense the smell of harvest visiting my nostrils, amidst the stinky city air.

In my younger days, we’d been harvesting paddy rice every autumn at the onset of winter. When the foggy morning could no more hide the sun, we’d started working in the fields. With no machinery at hand, we always do it the traditional way.

The smell of rice harvesting is sweet. The year’s hard work finally paid off. It was a good feeling to see rice mounted after few hours of working. Hoards of jokes at lunch time kept all workers enthralled.

Traditional way fo harvesting paddy rice
Traditional way of harvesting rice for interpretation
The haystacks collected, in the end, are a huge treat for children. It is a new ‘play area’ that comes once in a year. The best part is the thanksgiving feast that followed.

Walking past the harvested rice, the smell is a combination of sweet and that awful asthmatic smell from the hay. The rice plants are standing strong through the entire season before the seeds could be harvested. And that makes them have a worn-out or awful smell.

Sadly, most the paddy fields during our childhood days are submerged in the man-made water dam, which was built some years ago. It is more of a saddened truth that the main source of food for the villagers in the countryside has been destroyed.

In the present scenario, the smell of harvesting was a far cry, for many, in the region. There’s not enough space to sow crops. The fertile lands have been submerged. No crops being sown means nothing to harvest, even though harvesting time has come.

There’s nothing to harvests. And that’s sad!

The Threshing Period:

In our life, we had undergone through some threshing period. It was terrible times we’d endure to get the best out of ourselves. However, the kind of threshing we endure would be different from one another based on the desired outcome.

In the traditional way of harvesting paddy rice, the threshing part is most important. Threshing the hay separate the eatable from the uneatable. Muscled men threshed the bundle of hay against a wooden or hard object so that the seeds could be collected for storing. Anyway, that is the main job of a harvester.

Our life is a preparation time for eternity. In this preparation period, we may anticipate threshing in some way. The process would make us smell good in the eye of the Lord. Moreover, if we are fully prepared, we smell of a good harvest in our ripening age.

Personally, the physical pain that I’d endured in my daily life, although not for the cause of the gospel, I hope, would ripen me for His harvest. It is my prayer that the constant uneasiness and pain would mould me into deeper faith in Him.

Therefore, dear readers, let us try to abide in Him in this threshing period.


By way of refresher, let’s reflect on harvesting mentioned in the Bible:

First, “As long as it is day, we must do the works of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work.” (John 9:4) Night is no more a good time for work. The land has been submerged, as discussed above, so there’s no possibly of work in the region.

Second, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few,” Jesus Christ said to his disciples. (Luke 9:37-38) “Ask your Father, to send out more workers.” There will be a time when harvest cannot be done anymore.

Third, Act now! “Do you not say, ‘There are still four months until the harvest?’ I tell you, lift up your eyes and look at the fields, for they are ripe for harvest.” (John 4:35) It’s more of a ‘now or never’ in the work of God.

Lastly, “Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith.” (Galatians 6:10)

The inspiring stories of harvesting for the gospel of Christ could never be omitted. Although I am not going to share with you today. It was a job where all the workers are very much contented with, unlike other jobs.

Now, after the harvesting works are done, it is time to inspect the food barn. It was a very good feeling to see our food barn was full. But that did not happen every consecutive year. Several factors, seen or unseen, are behind the harvested values of the year.

In some of the years, we could not meet the demands of the family. But nothing can be done, the time for sowing and watering had gone. Only one thing we can do; we must try to do it better in the coming years.


There was a song, which we sang during my Sunday School days. The song must be inspired by Psalms 126. In these short verses, our lives and its anticipated elements – tears, joy, weeping, reaping, tears of joy, and songs of joy are all mentioned.

The verses read:
Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them. (Psalms 126:5-6)

Even the bitter planter expected the sweet smell of harvest. The smell of harvest brings joy to all human. All things are possible with God!

The Fumigated Room

They have fumigated the place with certain chemicals. I did not enquire about the chemicals they used.

It was nothing unusual. It is a hospital so they are sterilizing the place. At first, my nose easily detects, for me, the unusual smell. In a day or two, I’d get used to it.

Peeking back, we were enjoying game time with our Church’s Children Department in a huge park, two days ago. My kids take part in some of the games too.

In that lush greenery of the park, all the participants were having best days of our life, or at least for that particular year. I’d never expected what is going to happen in the next few days. I had already written how I ended up in the hospital.

What is Fumigation?

Before I proceed further, I will tell you what is fumigation? Fumigation is a process of gaseous sterilization, which is used for killing of micro-organisms and prevention of microbial growth in air, surface of wall or floor.

In its Verb form, fumigate is to disinfect or purify using certain chemicals with fumes. In our life, we needed to be cleansed or get purified. The hospital rooms are fumigated so as to reduce unwanted infection, which would help in steady recovery of the patient.

In the Fumigated Room:

In one of the small hospital rooms, I was there lonely and lost in what to think next. Few years ago, I’d chose to stay at home with my children as much as I could. We’ve been spending good times with my children when this happened.

My children missed me. And I too missed them a lot. My wife must be tired trying to maintain balance atmosphere between home and hospital. It never was the part of life we’ve planned nor did we expect this to happen.

In that fumigated room, I realized human plans are worthless. Looking back at, what I called, my life I acknowledge my transgressions and I desired to be cleanse thoroughly. I desired to be fumigated by the Holy Spirit, and prayers ensued.

This fumigated room was never enjoyable. In my normal physical being I won’t be here. My bed was all I have. My steps, whether I am stepping out or not, were watched very carefully. However, it was a good place to ponder over the words of God.

Once I remember reading Psalms 51. Psalms 51 was a psalm of David when the prophet Nathan came to him after David had committed adultery with Bathsheba. His ultimate desire to be clean again, to renew his steadfast spirit, and not to cast him away can be seen.

In Psalms 51, the writer wrote: Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions and my sin are ever before me. Make me to hear joy and gladness that the bones which you have broken may rejoice. Create in me a clean heart, O God. (Part of verses 2, 3, 8, and 10)

The unacceptable becomes acceptable, and the once unclean becomes clean in the blood of Jesus Christ. In the blood of Christ all things become new creation, for those who believes.

Refining Process:

Now, the rough phases of life and adversities, we faced in life, are the unlikely refiner’s fire in discipleship. There are times when we are unable to desire cleaning in our smooth daily life.

As the refiner puts his gold in the fire to get the best out of it, we too are, sometimes, put in fire to get the best out of us. However, the process might be intimidating and painful. That is because we are a functional human. When we are no more functional, it would be too late.

The refiner’s fire does not burnt indiscriminately. It does not consume nor does it destroy completely. It refines. It purifies. It separate out the impurities and leaves all the good values intact.

Should there be no night, we would not appreciate the day. We must partake of the bitter with sweet. And I know, it was easier said than done. But that is the harsh reality of life.

Dear reader, today I wanted to instigate the desire for going through that fumigated room or refiner’s fire. And to those of you who are still in that fumigated room, may you gain strength to endure the process. It is not sweet but I hope, it will be, later.

In the end, there is hope in the blood of Jesus Christ. It is our complete cleaning for our sinful soul, which reconnect us to our Creator.

Have my heart, O Lord.
Cleanse me from my sin.
Have the core of my heart.
Clean every room inside me,
Purify me, as pure as gold.

Restore me to the joy of your salvation,
I will sing of your righteousness.
My mouth will declare your praise,
Your will be done
In my life

The Passenger Seat

“Hit the brake now, Papa!” exclaimed my son, few times, on our way back home from his school.

He was sitting deep, beside me, in the passenger seat. I was well aware that he was unable to see from my point of view.

Each time he reminded, I’d told him, “Okay son, thank you for your reminder. But take it easy.”

“Did you pray before you turn on the music?” he asked.

“Yes, I did.”

“Well then, I will sleep. When we reached home, please wake me up.” He really did laid back and tried to sleep as he was tired playing in his school.

“That’s trusting!” I said to myself as we drive our way home on that busy road, with lots of potholes in it.

I once heard about a couple driving their new car: The husband, who was driving, lets his wife get off midway, as she was too good an adviser, yet she cannot drive. Too much irritating for the husband, it seems. He arranged to pick her up again as soon as he reached home.

It is all about trusting and having faith as we follow a specified leader. In other words, it is called discipleship. Today I wanted to focus in following our Savior; Jesus Christ.

Who’s in the driver’s seat?

If we are to take a seat in the passenger seat of life, that required some sort of surrendering to the driver. The driver would take us home, in the best way possible for us to reach home, safe and sound.

In our everyday life, we are faced with an option to choose who would be our driver. That choice would reflect on the kind of life we lived and also hugely control our way of life. Free will, we are given this matter.

It might be a good reminder for us that there is a driver in our life. We are only entitled to take the passenger’s seat. The earlier we gave in the earlier we would get comfort in life.

Jesus in the Driver’s Seat:

Let me reiterate here and again that Jesus being in your drivers’ seat do not mean you’d be steered cleared of all iniquities of life. Afflictions are still on the road but He would guide you through that, sometimes, very bumpy ride.

The comfort and internal securities would be always intact when we put our trust in Him. The bumpy rides would make us stronger in faith, love Him more, trust Him more, and closer to Him, as we travelled on life’s journey.

He would hit the brake when He finds it necessary. There are times we hardly knew the reasons. It is because we are unable to see from His point of view. It seems unbearable at times but He knows best!

“For my thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. (Isaiah 55:8) There are matters, circumstances, happenings, and the likes, which are left to be understood when we meet Him face to face.

The longer the journey and more uncomfortable the more we would talk to Him. The boundless fellowship we would enjoy. He has lots to offer on the way so that we grow in His likeness.

Now, ponder over what Jesus said to his disciples: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24)

A disciple (in the passenger seat) must surrender to His will, take up their hardships or adversities of life, and not preceded Him in serving His purpose.

No human should try to precede or intervene in His purpose less we become an agent of the devil: a stumbling block to Him, and worst, even to our fellow believers.

We must follow Him, not overtake, He is the leader. We must let Him be the leader, a guide in our path.

Let me end herewith this short verse, I wrote, sometime ago:

The Rugged Road

Busy in my own thoughts I am
The road’s lonely, my ride’s bumpy
The rugged road’s hard to tread
Jammed here in this road I chose
Silence befall, no voice I hear
Drive me out of my lonely den

My chains unshackled
In His blood I am freed
Free to follow Him faithfully
Boundless love afloat my way
Owing my loyalty to Him forevermore

**
Lead me on the way
You are good and faithful
You are my strength
Enable me to tread on heights
In fellowship we would stay
My blessed Savior you are!

In The Drivers’ Seat Again

There was a date with an asterisk mark in my journal. It must be a day with significance, I thought, so I looked back on that particular day:

On that day, it was written, I buckled in the drivers’ seat again and drove my way to church. Few things I had noted down on the small piece of paper. A note of thankfulness was also noted in the end as well, as in my mind. I could still recall that day.

in the drivers' seat again
In the drivers seat on a crowded road
Some of you might not believe, how crowded our roads could get, in the city we lived. On some days, it could take us a little less than an hour, to drive through some thirteen miles stretch. So, at a very slow pace, I tried driving in the driveways inside our locality before moving onto the next.

Again, I used this word, because I was unable to drive my car for more than one year. A series of long hospital stay had followed. Eventually, I also ended up in the operation table where amygdalohippocampectomy was done on me.

My God worked wonders, so I was able to drive on that day again. I am not trying to write down those pain and procedures I had endured during that time, to make it short.

Well, carefully, I drove to our church. No one knows the inside me when I reached our church. The person, who could have ended up in a decorated wooden box, was able to drive to the church on his own again. Few drops of tears were shed in happiness.

The Hymns, on that day, seems to have really connected with me and my Savior. My heart was filled with praise although I have difficulty in singing to my heart’s desires. That silent thanksgiving and prayers, in the midst of many, which filled my mouth were heart wrenching.

I had, thoroughly, enjoyed that short period of time I could sit inside our church. However, I had to make my way out from the crowded to a place where it is much quieter and calm.

It might not be as special for someone, as it was a normal thing to do on Sundays. But I was made able to sit in the drivers’ seat again so it was special for me.

God worked in so many ways, for His unworthy son like me that I feel blessed to have enjoyed His guiding hand in my so-called good and bad times of my life. Again, let my happiness and thankfulness be known to Him, in the highest.

Two more things, in my mind, I wanted to share with you:

In the drivers’ seat of my life:

In the drivers’ seat of life again means that I am able to take care of myself again, at some extent.

I did not enjoy those days when I needed to be accompanied and helped by someone, in every step I take. Toileting was one among them, which I needed help. There are good people around me, who could help me, from time to time. And I was thankful for that.

But, believe it nor not, toileting was a very private matter for a person. It was very normal and easy for a healthy person. Yet when you need help in these things in your conscious or semi-conscious state, it does not feel good at all.

What we consider normal could become a very heavy task to perform, when our normal body did not follow our commands. This was one of the lessons I had learned in the process. There are many things on this list.

Being able to perform our daily chores, at workplace or at home, was a huge blessing. Let us give thanks for all the work behind the scene, which our God had performed, so that we might lead a normal life.

Jesus in the drivers’ seat:

Putting Jesus Christ in the drivers’ seat would save us from many unwanted circumstances. But remember it does not mean we would be steered cleared of all the difficulties or adversities of life.

Being Jesus Christ in our drivers’ seat would give us comfort, even enjoyment, in our worst circumstances of life. His presence is more than enough in our lives.

Jesus Christ declared, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 14:6)

It was, and also is, through Him that we would get to the Father. If we let Him take His place in the drivers’ seat, all will be well.

In my upcoming post we will talk more about Jesus in the drivers’ seat. Stay blessed!

A Reason to Love

We were observing our story time, one late noon, in our home.  All their home assignments were done.  We lie down while I narrate Biblical stories, repeating each time they’d requested.

“Papa, papa, I love you very much”, said my son holding my right hand tightly.

“I love you too, son.  Any special reasons….?” I replied feeling a bit curious.  At which time, his younger sister was already asleep in my left lap.

“I am happy when you are with us.  We really missed you when you stayed in the hospital.” He continued.  He was referring to a series of my long hospital stay sometime ago.

He also slept peacefully in my arm, after I had assured him that, if God’s willing, that would not happen again in the near future.  It, really, is a great privilege to feel the love of young kids.

Our Many Reasons:

Now, we all wanted to be love.  Also, we wanted to love all people, if ever, that’s a possibility.  However, knowingly or unknowingly, we set some reasons so that we could love a person and vice versa.

There’s no real reason to love.  Love today can vanish in thin air if you got so many reasons to evaluate every now and then.  It is not an obligation but a sincere heart has love deeply rooted in them.

It is easy to love a person with whom we have same interest.  In that scenario, it is unlikely that the other person might not bring harm nor inflicted pain, in any case.

What if I say, I am loved because I have to be loved, would you agree?  Parents have to be loved because they are our parents.  It is through them that we are introduced to this wonderful life.  Believe it or not, they tried their best for our upbringing.  And, they went through severe pain when they are unable to meet our needs.

Some of us love a person till they are able to meet their expectations.  If somebody loves me then they have to adjust or bear with me; that’s the attitude.   So many conditions we have set to love someone.  Yes, I agree that for no reason we can’t love a person.  But that reason should not defy our approach.

Should that be the case, there will be a time where love can become pale or inexistence.   The love of a mother and a father are timeless.  It is, always, abiding in nature.  It is a great privilege to know of such a love.

The more reason you try to gather the less you’d love.  Recalling your sacrifices more often the more you’d gets dejected.  The more you took pride in loving someone the less you would get contented.

Love comes from God

Love comes from God: We love because He first loved us. (1 John 14:19)  This is the greatest source of love.  We are loved so we know how to love, and we loved Him back.  And this love is hugely contagious.

Here please feel with me, in these short verses I wrote:

You First Loved Me

I still remember that feeling
That feeling deep in my heart
How can I forget the eagerness?
I am unable to hold any longer
I wanted to let it known to you.
When I realized, I have been loved.

You gave me Comfort
You gave me Hope
You gave me Love
Because you first loved me
Your son I had become
I love you Jesus
I love you Jesus, my Savior

**
Slain by my sinful soul,
Your sacrifice is overwhelming.
You rose from the dead
Victory over death you proclaimed
My wonderful friend forever be
In you, I will abide.

I am yours now
Have me all, have my being
Because you first loved me
Each step we take, together we will
One at a time, until we got home.