I Spent All My Time Alone: Desolation

While scanning through my old journals, I’ve found this piece – a kind of short poem.  It was written in those times, when I really feel desolated.  And, I know, I am not a good writer.

A decade went by, when wrote this small piece.  My joy and happiness are short-lived.  My health was a major problem and my pre-planned life did not seem to flow as I’d desired.  Few people have seen it.  And for them, it really looks annoying and depressing.

Bird in the field by herself
Bird in the park alone

For me, it’s a kind of prayer to God, my physical and spiritual barrenness being let out.  Here I cannot tell you all my problems but I’ve already told my God.  Some problems are solved or just withered away while some are still work in progress.

Remember, I was surrounded many good people.  Please don’t get it wrong.  The emptiness inside my heart, the pain of loneliness nobody knew.  Only let known to my God, that is what I am talking about.

If you’ve been through such times, you might feel it.  But for some people, as I said earlier, was a waste of time and simply depressing.  I am blessed to have a look back and feel a bit relief by His grace.  By the way, even in the midst of storm, we  never walk alone.

There are times when I really longed for God’s presence in my life.  Many times, I let it slipped away from me.  One thing or another snatched away my happiness.  Yet His faithfulness endures forever.

Now this is what I wrote.  Feel free to go through it.  Should you feel with me, it’ll be a good thing to let me know or remember me in your prayer.  God bless you!

I Spent All My Time Alone

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In desolation I spent  all my time,

Where is Your presence in my wilderness?

Yet my faith will not perish on the way.

It’s hard to even call on Your name,

How will I ever feel Your presence again?

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Yet my mouth will sing Your praise.

Through the sorrow and the pain,

My hope in You gives fragrance of life.

I will keep praising you forever.

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I cannot see the plans you had for me.

Is there a good thing you’ve planned?

Yet I will not lose my faith in You.

It’s really hard for me to pray,

Would your presence not go with me?

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Would you not filled by barren soul?

Broken and deserted here I lay.

Yet where would I go besides You?

It’s really hard for me to pray,

From my sickness and sadness deliver me.

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Yet my mouth will sing Your praise

Through the sorrow and the pain

Yet my hope in You gives fragrance of life

I will keep praising you forever!

Due to my wrongdoings and unfulfilled dreams or promise, I assumed that God deserted me.  He never did.  It was me who deserted Him.  Even in my worst condition, He loved me!

© 2017, Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.

Author: Siam Ngaihte

My name is Siam Ngaihte I am a Stay-at-Home Dad, by choice, and a freelance content writer based in New Delhi, India.  I’d worked as an Assistant (Accounts & Cash) in State Bank of India for five blissful years.

I have Masters Degree in Political Science. I am fighting Epileptic disorder for the past 10 years.

In my free time, I love to write, share thoughts, and recount simple life stories in village and metropolitan cities. I love life in its simplicity.

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