There is always a piece of cotton in my pocket. My pants’ pocket, actually, and in between all my books and notebook. Friends, colleagues, professors, and some persons noticed. Some are curious while some of them who saw me using it told me I am being careful.
During our first year in the University we met many new faces. Being new to each other, we wanted to know people more. Our eyes easily spotted if there is anything unusual. A guy knew I had cotton in my pocket:
‘Where did you hide your syringe? You must be using drugs.’ He told me straight
in my face.
‘Uh-huh, that’s not it. My nose bleeds anytime. So….’
‘That’s weird,’ he said. ‘Sorry bro!’ he continued.
‘Yeah, but I needed it every time I was out from home. And that’s alright.’ I said.
Later on, I have come across silly and weird questions not only in college campus. When I started working, same thing happens few times. It is normal with me.
Fresh blood oozing out from any part of the body can never be good. So I’d consulted doctors for treatment, which easily derailed my time-table as a student.
In medical term, it is called Epistaxis, which means bleeding from the nose or blood draining out through nostrils, in common language. It can be due to several factors.
For me, there is no specified time, it happens anytime anywhere. The best thing for me to do is to get ready and quickly take care of it myself. That is why I always kept cotton in my pocket.
Many times, I had to walk out from class. I had to rush to the washroom. Put cotton in my nostril to block outflow of the blood. I’d even attended the class with cotton in my nose.
It can be painful at times. When there’s too much blood being blocked inside the nostril it can entered our mouth too. It was a very disgusting experience to taste blood unwillingly. Some of my good times were spent waiting along with others in the queue leading to OPD Counters.
I am fine:
As far as possible, I do not want to miss anything because of my nose bleeds. I refused to be let down. I simply hope that it is just for a phase and will cease to happen in the near future. I try to be as normal as I could. Using public transport can be troublesome but I have no choice.
‘I am fine.’ I said to myself. ‘Lord, You see this so you will take care of it,’ I murmured to God because I feel He was with me the whole time. At times I felt dejected though, and the more I murmured. But I am not actually blaming Him in any way. Just acknowledging Him.
The same happened at my workplace too. Sometimes I’d posted or updated unwanted ‘Facebook status’ in my wall. I was criticized. It was annoying for some people. I enjoyed myself well; not wanted to deter this simple thing from my daily life.
The irritations, the embarrassment, and the pain can, sometimes, nullify my positive approach. But in His abiding grace, He led me on. It has been going on for several years like that.
‘Dear Lord, help me not to missed putting a piece of cotton in my pocket,’ I used to pray.
Why not pray for the problem to end? I questioned myself. But at times, this nasal bleeding led me closer to God so I simply don’t want to let go. It makes me wanting for His Abiding Presence and Care in my everyday life. So it let me talk to Him more.
Phase in Life:
There is a phase in life, which need to just pass by. The waiting is hard though. But I was happy I’d earned like people although there is bigger problem in store for me at that time-My Epileptic Disorder. It is just a matter of time for my neurological disorder to get diagnosed. That is for another topic.
In case you missed my points, here are some of the reasons behind writing this simple piece:
I set out from my little village to earn a quality education in a metropolitan city. I set my goal that I won’t return home empty-handed; without securing a proper job. The Lord is with me, so I did work in some offices. I don’t consider myself a failure or a successful person. I wanted more. What I achieved so far is not the level I would settle for.
The first time ever I thanked God for creating COTTON came because of my nasal bleeding. It makes me think of the importance of His creations. As I said earlier, some difficulties in life makes us closer to God because there is none like Him. He is always there although we put Him mostly as our last resort.
The holy Son of God bored our sins as dirty or red as crimson, He made them as white as wool, Isaiah had mentioned. (Isaiah 1:18 NLT) The very pretty white piece of cotton became useless when covered in blood. However, we get cleaned in His grace.
Comfort:
The piece cotton in my pocket gave me comfort. But it is God who let it stop the bleeding. In our difficult times, we get comfort in His abiding presence.
At least, I have clean cotton with me. I am always thankful. I have seen cotton cultivation and it is a long process to have ready-to-use cotton with me.
Let me end herewith all adversities can get us closer to God or part ways with Him for eternity. Comfort is a state of mind we can have in the Lord.
