Piece of Cotton in My Pocket

There is a piece of cotton in my pocket. My pants’ pocket, actually. Friends, colleagues, professors, and some persons noticed. Some are curious while some of them who saw me using it told me I am being careful.

Piece of cotton in my pocket
Piece of cotton

During our first year in the University we met many new faces. Being new to each other, we wanted to know people more. Our eyes easily spotted if there is anything unusual. A guy knew I had cotton in my pocket:

‘Where did you hide your syringe? You must be using drugs.’ He told me straight
in my face.

‘Uh-huh, that’s not it. My nose bleeds anytime. So….’

‘That’s weird,’ he said. ‘Sorry bro!’ he continued.

‘Yeah, but I needed it every time I was out from home. And that’s alright.’ I said.

Later on, I have come across silly and weird questions not only in college campus. When I started working, same thing happens few times. It is normal with me.

Fresh blood oozing out from any part of the body can never be good. So I’d consulted doctors for treatment, which easily derailed my time-table as a student.

In medical term, it is called Epistaxis, which means bleeding from the nose or blood draining out through nostrils, in common language. It can be due to several factors.

For me, there is no specified time, it happens anytime anywhere. The best thing for me to do is to get ready and quickly take care of it myself. That is why I always kept cotton in my pocket.

Many times, I had to walk out from class. I had to rush to the washroom. Put cotton in my nostril to block outflow of the blood. I’d even attended the class with cotton in my nose.

It can be painful at times. When there’s too much blood being blocked inside the nostril it can entered our mouth too. It was a very disgusting experience to taste blood unwillingly.

As far as possible, I do not want to miss anything because of my nose bleeds. I refused to be let down. I simply hope that it is just for a phase and will cease to happen in the near future. I try to be as normal as I could. Using public transport can be troublesome but I have no choice.

‘I am fine.’ I said to myself. ‘Lord, You see this so you will take care of it,’ I murmured to God because I feel He was with me the whole time. At times I felt dejected though, and the more I murmured. But I am not actually blaming Him in any way. Just acknowledging Him.

The same happened at my workplace too. Sometimes I’d posted or updated unwanted ‘Facebook status’ in my wall. I was criticized. It was annoying for some people.

The irritations, the embarrassment, and the pain can, sometimes, nullify my positive approach. But in His abiding grace, He led me on. It has been going on for several years like that.

‘Dear Lord, help me not to missed putting a piece of cotton in my pocket,’ I used to pray.

Why not pray for the problem to end? I questioned myself. But at times, this nasal bleeding led me closer to God so I simply don’t want to let go. It makes me wanting for His Abiding Presence and Care in my everyday life. So it let me talk to Him more.

There is a phase in life, which need to just pass by. The waiting is hard though. But I was happy I’d earned like people although there is bigger problem in store for me at that time-My Epileptic Disorder. It is just a matter of time for my neurological disorder to get diagnosed. That is for another topic.

In case you missed my points, here are some of the reasons behind writing this simple piece:

The first time ever I thanked God for creating COTTON came because of my nasal bleeding. It makes me think of the importance of His creations.

As I said earlier, some difficulties in life makes us closer to God because there is none like Him. He is always there although we put Him mostly as our last resort.

The holy Son of God bored our sins as dirty or red as crimson, He made them as white as wool, Isaiah had mentioned. (Isaiah 1:18 NLT) The very pretty white piece of cotton became useless when covered in blood. However, we get cleaned in His grace.

The piece cotton in my pocket gave me comfort. But it is God who let it stop the bleeding. In our difficult times, we get comfort in His abiding presence.

At least, I have clean cotton with me. I am always thankful. I have seen cotton cultivation and it is a long process to have ready-to-use cotton with me.

Let me end herewith all adversities can get us closer to God or part ways with Him for eternity.

Destination Home

It was one among those many days, where I needed to rush home soon, before the end of normal working hours.  Sometimes, I needed rest or medication even in the middle of the day.  On a normal days, I always waited for working hours to end.  I’d do double checking of the work performed in the day to make sure there were no hanging transactions.  I’d even help my colleagues in doing that.

But many times, I had to rush out from the air-conditioned room, as my neurological disorder threatens to strike anytime.  As always, I need space and fresh air.  It was difficult to be in a close room.   But then I need to get home by any means. I’d entered underground subway station, which was rather crowded and lack fresh air.  I waited for a few minutes after which I boarded the train with destination to my residence.

Three or four stations passed by before I need to get out as I sense something is wrong in my body.  The positive side was that I am blessed with auras, which give me time to react or take medicines. On a normal days, I need not get down before I reached my destination.

I’d sat there on the ground leaning my back on the erstwhile pillar inside the underground subway station.  I’d called home informing my situation and the name of the subway station I’m in.  I’d request them to call in my cell phone after every five or ten minutes, to check on me or to help keep me awake.

To get home, I knew, I had to get back on train but I can’t until my condition gets better.  At last, I took my stance and decided to get back on the next trains.  Without doing that I could never get home.  The insecurities I had at these times were indescribable.   Many times I don’t know whether I would even get home, ever.  Will I be brought to hospital first or at home, was the big question looming large in my mind.

Now I want you to consider something here:  Jesus bore my iniquities to the cross before I was even born.  That was more than enough to get me home with Him in eternity.  To have that privilege, I need to do just one thing on my part, to confess my iniquities and give my life to Him.  That is the beginning of my journey towards eternal life.  However, if I didn’t take that particular step, the eternal life promised becomes and will always be a distant dream.  We were more valuable to Him than we value ourselves.  We are made to His children lest we deny it.

As you can see, I need to do something on my part to get home despite my illness threatening.  In the same way, I need to make my decision or take necessary step to have that promise of eternal life even after death.  Missed your chance? No problem, this is another chance because I am reminding you now.  Let Him have your life, it will be renewed.  I also let few trains had passed but I need to get up despite my problem.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.*

Back to my journey home, it doesn’t matter whether I ended up being in a hospital first before I get home.  I am blessed to get home to be with my family.  These are the adversities that drew me closer to God.  It may be mentioned here that many times  ‘the WHY ME, GOD? WHY? moments’ struck me.   But He carried me through on His shoulder to let me see the beauty of another day.  And I am more than thankful for that.

All my sufferings are nothing in comparison with the sufferings Jesus Christ bear for us in his final days.  The humiliation, the curse, the physical torture, the loneliness, the pain…., all suffered for me to live.  He will lead me home, one day.

 *1 Corinthians 1:18

You are Alone But not Alone

alone yet strong; a tree
Standing alone

Let me begin this way.  This tree, standing alone on top of the hill, is alone but strong.  It reminded me of some of the adversities that decorate our lives.

Sports, whether we play or not, everyone set our interest at least in one discipline.   Due to the skill and speed involved I love football, especially English Football.  Cricket, on the other hand, I find it to be time-consuming and slow.  In English Premier League, I enjoyed watching Liverpool FC playing.  I was always mesmerized by the crowd cheering and singing “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.  Someone, who is always supporting us, is what we want.

Naturally, we enjoyed companionship and togetherness.  Man is not created to live in solitary.  When the cheering crowd fainted, and the going gets tough.   The road seems are lonely, we want someone by our side.  In my hospital bed, reflecting on my past and the good times spent were cherished.  The only thing I can do is to talk to God and hope for a better future.

Hard times are what made our life worth going.  If you do not face tough times in life, you do not live life to its fullest yet.  But in these times, we have someone who is always by our side to comfort us.  Those who can recognize it found happiness in suffering.  God said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”*

You are alone but not alone, someone told in my hospital bed.  The word is blunt at first but says a lot.  Because it open my heart to feel the One who is always with me through thick and thin.  For many, the time spend alone are the sweetest.  If they are able to fight through these times, they surely will find happiness in life.

To have that feeling let me list out what the Scripture tells us to do a few things amongst many. (James 4:7-8)  Submit yourselves to the Lord and resist evil.  God loves those who fully submit to Him.  Submit wholly, submit it to Him.  He will save you.  Come near to God and He will come to you.  The space maintained between God and you should be zero.  Nearer my God to Thee…says the songwriter.   Purify your heart, don’t be double-minded.  Humble yourself to the Lord, he will lift you up.  When we humble ourselves before Him, we can declare,  “The Lord is my helper I will not fear.  Mortal beings will not harm me.”

The Lord’s presence always comfort me

And I know He is always beside me

Though adversities loom large upon me

‘Son, fear not!’ He whispers in my ears.