Hiding Tears

Hiding tears isn’t easy; it can be agonizingly painful. Tears are an outcome of intense emotional strain caused by certain level of happiness or adverse affect of despair. Tears, once shed, can’t be undone.

Few days ago, I visited the hospital to get my forty minutes video-electroencephalography done. As I get there, I was informed that my time slot gets change, so I had to wait for another two hours. So I reclined myself into the waiting room and read several verses of the Bible from my phone.

Several minutes passed by when a young lady entered the waiting with pieces of cotton still reeling in her hair. She drooped her body down in the corner chair. Before long, I could sense her whimpering in reclusive, hiding herself in the shade of her torn tresses.

She was holding her tear; trying to hide it as much as she could, and she looked tired. So I enquired a little and asked her to let it out, to let her tears flow freely, in the hope that she’d get relived. Hiding tears is hard and it can be tormenting.

The young lady told me that she had the possibility of undergoing brain surgery, which she feared the most. In her words, her long-due sufferings of epileptic disorder gave her no chance to live her dreams. For instance, her dream of meeting her prince charming get shattered and the attacks came in the least expected time.

In a way, I feel blessed to be in that place so that she could let her tears out. Since I’ve the same illness and underwent brain surgery, I try to comfort her in the best possible way I could. However, there’s some gap as we’re of different faith and religion.

As we’re fighting the same disorder, I share her some life hacks: Finding the strength to go on with epilepsy at bay. How God gave me a life and beautiful family, despite in this condition. She told me that sometime she simply cried in a secluded place because of her fate.

Like many, she became that random person, who we met for a short span of time, with heavy heart and we wanted to help. Yet in a moment or two she’s gone with her attendant holding her now. Before she left the room I assured her I’d pray for her and I really did, that day.

When my time slot came, I went in, waited for the technician to put in the electrodes in my scalp. I doze off easily until my video electroencephalography is over, as they read my brain activity. It made me feel grateful to have a supporting people with me throughout my suffering, unlike some sick people, gifted by God for my comfort and care.

Tears one earth
Hiding Tears: For reference purpose only

Tears before God:

We all have tears; by letting it out it eases our suffering or pain. In moments of higher degree of happiness and comfort we still shed our tears. Most people hide their tears, as it can be misleading at times. It is taken as a sign of weakness in many forms.

No one wants to look sad; we wanted to appear happy and spread happiness in the best possible way we could. Yet we are reduced to tears in our most private moments. It is a result of our innate being. We are blessed to have tears, which can flow. It shouldn’t be hidden.

Shedding tears before the Lord our God is by far the most appropriate place. Our God keep counts of our tossing; and put our tears in His bottle. (Psalms 56:8) Our tear drops don’t go in vain.

In my long years of suffering, I too shed tears yet I tried to hide as much as I could. The upside is that some of the tears are tears of joy in the midst of suffering. God sees our tears; this make my sufferings easier though it didn’t took away the pain.

Tears In Secluded Place:

When I’m full of bitterness, emotional strain, and wanted to let it out, I moved into a secluded place to weep before the Lord who is the creator of heaven and earth. Sometimes my secluded place can be in the woods (when I’m in countryside), in the prayer cabins, and the corner of the church.

We are highly privilege to commune with God everywhere, even in our most appropriate or inappropriate timing and place. Appropriate, when we seek our own comfort and place; inappropriate, when we are in the middle of trouble and crowded places. Those tears before the Lord never go in vain, let me reiterated.

It is my believe that no one can tell our pain exactly as it happen. So we tend to hide most the pain inside as well as our tears. And we wanted no one to be intrusive in our life except for some designated or very close persons. Still, there are some who never let their adverse moments known. It might be because it was taken as a quality of manliness.

In a secluded place, no one bothers nor disturbs us, yet God sees us. We can openly let our tears flow crushing the pain of hiding tears. When the tears run dry, sometimes immediately or very lately, the infilling and comfort of the Holy Spirit takes place. Although the waiting period may differ those tears becomes our treasured possession, which makes me move forward.

Man of Tears:

King David, in the Holy Bible, was a Man of Tears. Many instances are given indicating David wept loudly. He wept for God’s people, for committing a sin, and many times because of the adverse situations in his life. Yet he had unfailing hope in the Lord.

For instance, when David and his men found the Amalekites had destroyed Ziklag they wept aloud until they have no strength left to weep. What a sorrowful event recorded in the Bible! Simply the thought of it still haunt me.

But David found strength in the Lord His God, it was recorded. In this time of distress, he turns to the Lord. In short, David and his men run after their enemies, overtake them, and destroyed them recapturing their possessions. (1 Samuel 30)

Tears can be our connecting link with our God thereby regaining our lost strength for our life and mission to carry on. David was a man who openly shed tears before the Lord his God. He said: “My tears have been my food day and night.” (Psalms 42) Many of the Psalms were a cry for help in his most devastating period of his life.

He knows that God is his only possession, his rock and salvation. His salvation comes from the Lord. By opening himself with tears in his eyes, David had the privilege of being closer to the Lord while on earth. Let him be our source of inspiration in our dark days.

Trading Our Leaky Eyes:

In grieving, suffering, and non-anticipated hardship we easily shed our tears. When our life’s underperforming, unable to keep up with peer pressure, and our life’s boat developed leakage it is difficult to continue living joyfully.

When all our innate and acquired wisdom cannot set us free, unable to find alternatives to some living condition, it pains our heart. That pain cause tears to flow behind our eyelid and when it is more painful to hide that tears, remember you are not alone. There must be a purpose for that pain.

In those moments, it is better to turn to God and shed our tears before our Savior. Either way our Savior lifts our heavy heart or gives us the ability and strength to endure that adverse period whether long or short. Our God works for our own good; He’s not selfish and zealous of our happiness and wellbeing.

The same way the Holy Spirit helps us, He intercedes for us with wordless groans. The Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. (Romans 8:26, 27)

Let’s put our leaky eyes before the Lord; Pour out our soul before our Savior. And if it is for His glory, our God will make us whole again.

Tears roll down from my eyes
Down in my cheek it flows wide
Put my tears in your bottle
List my tears on your scroll
For long I’ve been a sojourner
Hiding my tears agonized me

See my tears, Lord!
Trade my tears with joy
Let my tears be gel of happiness
Let my tears be fragrance of my devotion
Blossoming into glad songs as the ‘Lark’s
Spreading hope in gaiety’s cheer

© 2018, Thuam Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.

Moving Forward

Much before I could master the art of reading, my grandfather had already feed us the stories of Bible chronogically. I am moved by his narrations. He is my favorite story-teller too. His profound insights of the scripture always came in handy.

My grandfather is an avid reader of the Holy Bible. He covered, back-to-back, the sixty-six books of the Bible 34 times and counting, as I inquire today. Come what may, he moved aside and take forward his devoted time.

In that way, my grandfather always found ways to move on from hard times. I envy his cravings for communion with God. It is the best way of spending our time and finding solidarity with our creator.

I can still remember how my grandfather narrated the mighty work of God; by freeing and bringing out the whole nation of Israel from the slavery of Egypt to the Promised Land – Canaan. It was a journey where God is really at work.

Tell them to Move On:

Let me fast-forward to what happen when they arrived at the Red Sea. News came that Pharaoh had changed his mind and it spread like fire. He was coming after the Israelites with his army.

Panic set in. Pharaoh’s armies were in their tail and before them was the vast Red Sea. They were thrilled at the vastness of the sea. Their sight saw no space for moving forward; they were terrified. They started blame gaming to Moses and they cried out to the Lord.

Train track end at sea
Train track end abruptly; can’t move forward

There is no road ahead for now. But the Lord said to Moses, “Tell the Israelites to move on…they will go through the sea on dry land.” Moses did as the Lord commanded and they cross the sea on dry land, in short. (Read Exodus 14)

They moved on; they were safe. Their cries were turned into celebration. Miriam and the women took timbrel in their hands and dance exalting the name of the Lord. (Exodus 15)

Moving Forward:

Our God sometimes allows us and bring us into “the Red Sea situation” in our life. We cannot simply move forward from certain situations. It is beyond the wisdom of man to fathom the pain and adversities of mankind.

The vastness of the ‘sea’ thrilled me. I am unable to see a way out in my ‘Red Sea situation’. I have no wisdom left in me that could curve a way out, even in the near future. Focusing on the intensity of my problems, sometimes, make my living very tiresome.

Yesterday I visited ‘Intractable Clinic’ as a follow-up, which gave me hope of me getting better with time. The reality is that such visits are a necessity for managing my health so that I could perform my daily responsibilities. It, very much, limited my role-playing in several ways needed.

I panicked easily when I encounter something un-normal when I live by my sight. When we live by sight, we act on what we can see, which is very shallow. Those projects and investments which were started with high hopes can become our ‘Red Sea situation’.

I don’t want to go through that pain, that brain surgery, and the after effects. But I have to move on. Move on is the advise here. The strenuous part is trying to decimate the insecure heart in submission to God.

In my journey of life, I have encountered such situations where there is no way out without God. It is He who provided water in the dry deserts, which give back life to the dry bones. He is able!

The sick and unemployed tag is something which is disheartening, but not always. I’m sorry I’ve revealed a lot, it seems.

Sometimes my broken brain belittles my life. It has been weaken associating with pain, from time to time. I can’t take it anymore! I’m afraid to move on! I don’t want to, but I have to go on. By trusting in Him, I did. And I will move on ‘till I get into still waters.

The Red Sea situation turned into celebration of the work of God. If by our mere suffering if God could get exalted; it would be worth the pain. No one will get glory except God!

Deliverance Assured:

We may cry, we may groan but His deliverance is timely and perfect. The problem is, we tend to forget the Almighty’s work, even after reassuring and showing us His faithfulness.

Our God is the one who make dry land appear out of a roaring sea. For our God, road closed sign could be an opening of a new joyful and happening era. God set the stage; He knows our needs.

Some are strained financially; some are weak physically, while some are drained emotionally. When all the aspects of life are in the doldrums, it’s the real Red Sea situation. We all have our situations but our God wanted us to move on! That, we put our trust in Him; growing each day.

The devil works in innumerable ways to instill fear and discernment in our heart. But if we keep waiting on the strength of the Lord and keep moving, we will survive. If we give up on moving forward, we would be consumed.
One day, when we are getting past our ‘Red Sea situation’ we will count the work of the Lord, in jubilation.

Once a deliverer; always a deliverer, is our God! Let’s move forward!

© 2018, Thuam Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.

The Unchanging Amount of Love

“I am sorry. But this doesn’t change the amount of love in the house,” I said to my children while letting them do their homework, ending their free time for a moment.

There are times when I need to reiterate my love for them. I do love them, but when something goes wrong I need to intervene and take action. My interventions cannot, always, be sweet and welcomed by them.

Some restrictions and limitations needs to be followed by me, which in my hope would extract the best out of them while preserving their innate quality. It is my obligation, as a parent, to guide them to the best of my knowledge and belief. (Proverbs 3:12)

We have this notion that the amount of love in the family gets depleted in due course of time. Time doesn’t change the amount of our love. We might not say ‘I love you’ as much before as we did today. However, with each time passing by our love grew. And it’s better to tell each other our love than not.

By not agreeing to every decision of ours, the amount of love doesn’t change at all. They are sacrifices made for combating the unity of the family. Every member of the family contributes in different ways. If we could build a good family it reflected in the society.

As we go on with our lives, there could be several factors which could make us think that the amount of love gets change. We met different kind of people in our daily life who could influence, in good or bad, our way of thinking.

For example, parenting is a vast subject whose practicality depends massively on every father or mother. Our way of raising children might differ with our vision. Children are quick to spot the difference and for them the grass always looks greener on the other side. We’ve been through it so it doesn’t require detailed explanation.

It was not a good feeling being unable to play with my children, inside and outside the house. Leave aside playing, there are times when it is difficult speaking and talking with them due to some unwanted side effects of medicine intake. However, our amount of love doesn’t change at all. It’s just that our activities are limited.

What Amount of Love?

As we grow up, our parents have entrusted us to carry on with the instruction they have given before. Their amount of love doesn’t change, they missed us. Some of us mistook their less intervention as denigrating their love. But it was not.

In the meantime, it would be a good experience if we could show the amount of love we had for our families and people around us. It’s just a wish and not a possibility. There are few things money can show but far greater what’s inside the heart. Love Meter, Love Calculator, and the likes are developed, which are meant for entertainment.

There is an amount of love which never changes; it is the love of God. There might be times when I felt I was less valued, His love never changes. It is my state of mind which occupies my heart at certain times. His love never changes. It is the same forever.

As it happened, there could be times we questioned the amount of love we get. In the face of adversities, sufferings, and failures we tend to poise many questions to our God. It wasn’t easy to go through such situations; our heart is filled with loneliness.

Sometimes, ‘Why God? Where is your love?’ could be our inner cry. We wanted to get the full love and attention of God. We wanted our adversities be lifted; our problems get solved, in His abiding love. Yet many of the afflictions are for straightening our path although it’s hard to see at the moment. (Hebrew 12:7-11)

God’s love never changes; yet we missed many of them when our relationships failed. When our relationship is not good, we saw it as receiving less love.

Bargaining the amount of love we get, actually, depends on the state of our mind. When God’s love never changes we took as an amount which can be change. However, the amount towards our love for God keeps fluctuating, which causes rift inside our heart.

So in its practical sense, following God via our dogmatically inclined practices makes our heart vulnerable to the work of evil. Above all, God’s love is the greatest and the source of all love. Any amount of love stemming out of Him could never be intolerable.

The Greatest Love of All:

When we’re in love, we wanted to change the fate of our beloved in the best way possible. But since we have nothing in our hand, we can end up the other way round.

In John 3:16, the truest sense of love was found. It surpassed any amount of love in this world. The amount of love required for a man to change their life completely. The greatest amount of love was shown, given, and rewarded in giving us an everlasting life.

It reads: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

This is the amount of love we get. It is always up for grab once we believe in the Son of God; Jesus Christ.

© 2017, Thuam Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.