Compassion and Hope: Renewed Every Morning

The same year I’d graduated from University I had seizure. To meet my immediate financial needs I’d started joining a private firm.

It was here, at my workplace, I’d suffered this unusual attack, which plagued my living since then. I was seized and my life-boat capsized. However, I just believe it was some jerking in my brain, which would soon vanish.

My preparations and night-long practices for my dream job had been hit hard. In some major competitive exams for jobs, I’d simply slept away. Yet by God’s grace I secured a job in the banking sector, which I quit later.

In between work, I’ve been juggling and roaming through corridors of several hospitals in the hope of leading smoother life but it wasn’t meant to be, may be, for the time being. Until several years ago, I’d started visiting the Intractable Clinics. I’d witnessed the moaning and giggling, in dereliction, of patients encroaching the corridors of hospital.

Everything happens for a reason; reasons unknown or known, that I believe because I’d experience the other side of life too. Some of those very embarrassing moments are better left behind and forgotten. During the course of time, I was not consumed by my captivator, here seizure or epilepsy, it is because God’s compassion failed not.

My family blueprint, which I’d developed through the years, could not be fully put into practice. The blueprint contained determined sources of income, administration, expressing love, tolerating each other, and holistic way of raising children, and the likes.

Through the struggles, life goes on. I went on to live a normal life, although illness persist, and get blessed in different ways. Sometimes, I termed it as an ‘illness that comes too soon’ mostly because I cannot see in God’s view at this time.

There are times, in between, when it is difficult to find meaning in life. Yet I was not consumed by the work of evil inside my mind because the Compassion of Christ gets renewed every morning.

Although I don’t want to admit it; enduring the pain and physical frailties throughout, was not easy. In the meantime, there are obligations and responsibilities, which can’t ever be ignored.

Compassion and hope among men
Compassion in the midst of suffering

His Compassions Fail Not

I do believe that we all have verses in the Holy Bible, which renewed our hope in the face of adversity. When in financial deepwater and health related issues, I was reminded of several verses. One among them is this:

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. (Read lamentations 3:21-25) These verses has always comforted me and given me hope in times of adversities.

The Prophet Jeremiah had lamented during Jerusalem’s captivity. Chapter 3 of the poem mostly dealt with his personal lamentation on the issue of suffering and God. The compassion of God brings hope to those who seek Him.

When in captives the people of Israelites lived a troubled life. Jeremiah the prophet had witnessed the unfathomable misery of God’s people. The recent prosperity of Jerusalem has made their suffering all the more bitter. It is here in these verses a light of hope was shed again.

They are seized, held as captives by their enemies yet they are not consumed. The Lord was compassionate towards them. Again, let me reiterate here again that in their sufferings they are not consumed.

The Lord their God doesn’t allowed them to be fully consumed. Beyond their ability they get protected. In the hope of returning one day, they still lived on. Through His prophet he showed His compassion towards them in their sufferings.

My Renewed Hope Every Morning

After several years of suffering, I’d undergo Brain Surgery two years ago. The aftermath has been filled with pain.

I’d develop migraines, which makes me, very much, sensitive to my surroundings and the pain was sometime unable to bear. Being devoid of enjoyment in life is a huge challenge.

When I was rushed back to the hospital, it was not easy to endure the pain and shadowy images in my eyes. The day seems to be too long when you are suffering.

I waited for the night to come. I wanted to sleep. It is my hope that the morning would bring me something. Every morning my hope gets renewed.

In the midst of my physical frailties, it was good to have that feeling of hope. I still cherished that moment: when I am able to see the morning light. I’d prayed with huge hope of getting home soon.

All my wearies of yesterday are no more. The night has consumed my pain in the dark. A new morning has broken; a new hope has filled my heart.

The love, mercies, grace, and compassion of the Lord were renewed every morning. It was a glad moment to rediscover I am still alive to see a new day. It is all because of the faithfulness of the Lord.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” The Lord is good to those who wait for Him; to the soul who seek Him.”

In the face adversities, be it financial, health, relationships, His compassions fail not. The Lord gave me hope to carry on in this world.

That hope, at some extent, made living with epilepsy easier. Hope becomes one of the most important pillars of my life.

Living in captivity: a life seized, was not easy. Yet I have this hope that deliverance is assured; and surely on the way.

It was more of a reminder to trust and put my faith in Him, so I weary not. It was a learning phase although it’s difficult. The fruit would be sweet, one day, when the time comes.

It is my hope that He would provide, fulfill, and gave us hope in times to come. We will not be consumed in the process because His (God) compassion fails not! They are renewed every morning.

A Thankful Heart – 1

“Lord, thank you for letting me use a normal and functioning brain, for more than three decades now.” I uttered silently, as tears rolled down my parched cheeks.

It was a moment of great joy for me. Never before in my life, I thank God for a particular organ functioning in my body. It was more of a thing, which I’d always taken for granted.

With a thankful heart, I write this piece, as I have been able to start reusing my brain. There was a time when I have been in the state facing uncertainty about my future.

Those twenty-five days of my hospital stay, in which VEEG (video-electroencephalogram) was done the whole time, was the first installment of my three long series of hospitalization.

In that long period of my hospital stay, I was blessed to discover the good side of certain people. In a way, I appreciate other people more. And I know that I will not survive in solitary.

“Come back in few days for brain surgery,” the doctor told us. Soon re-admitting and my surgery followed. I wouldn’t go in detail here as it was something I wanted let it go off, for a better hope.

Since I am not seeking empathy as of now, I will not go into the details of those hard times. It was a time that was gone, which I could endure through the help of my savior.

My brain, let me tell you, was something which I considered very private organ. When somebody told me, what to think and what not to think, I felt provoked. I wanted nobody to engage in my private affairs.

Most of the time, I used my brain, in my own way. Sometimes it helped me solved certain problems. There are also time it misguided me, I would say. Misguided mostly when I unplugged or failed to connect with my Creator.

Brain and heart balanced
A thankful heart; brain and heart coordination
When the heart and brain coordinate smoothly it resulted in building a sane person. The timely use of ‘yes or no’ in the most appropriate instances defined a wise person rather than having a very high IQ level.

Ostensibly, it was one of those very useful gifts, which was taken for granted all the time. But when some of the neurons got jammed, the real value was known. After several treatments, and/or repairing as I jokingly referred it to, it never was the same as before.

There are many other organs in our body which worked together as one entity. We should be thankful for that today, I am urging you now. The creator must be praise for His deeds! Thanksgiving for His loving-kindness, to that extent we are not even aware of, in our life.

At the same time, it would be more of an acceptable way of thanksgiving should we use our gifts for Him. If you are suffering, like some of us, still give thanks for it could draw us closer to Him.

Here, I have listed only one occurrence in my life. There would be many, if you reflect on your own life. The adversities you faced, which would draw you closer to God or even the smooth life you lived are worthy of thanksgiving.

The Psalmist wrote, “Give thanks to the Lord, for he (God) is good; his love endures forever.” (Psalms 118:1, 107:1) The love of God from the beginning, which transcend through our forefathers endures forever.
In His abiding love, he would take good care of generations to come. Conform to His will, first, and He will do the rest!

How to have a thankful heart?

A very straightforward and most accurate answer to this question would be: To let the peace of Christ rules our heart. That is because we can have compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience, in Him. (Colossians 3:12-17)

When we are in consistently intact, with Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit everything work for our own good, whether good or bad.

A thankful heart always possesses positive reasons to be happy. It does not depend on circumstances but comes from his heart. Even in very small things he can find a reason to be thankful. It is because he has been consistently connected with his savior.

In Him we can have contentment beyond the offerings of the world. Although we cannot see everything in His point of view, that little comfort we have, would bring out a thankful heart in us.

Let us give thanks to the Lord for everything He did for us. More importantly, for sending His son to die for us, this is the greatest gift of all. Be thankful!

Again, as the Psalmist wrote, let us conform here in his very words: “I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.” (Psalms 9:1)

Should you have witnessed the wonderful deeds of God; please feel free to tell here in the comment section.

Unanswered Prayer 2: It is well with my soul!

It has already been a decade ago when I first experienced this heavy blow to my life.  Since then epileptic or seizure related problem has been, alomost consistently, troubling my life.  It caused, undeniably,  huge effect in my professional life as well as home front.

The regular visits to doctor and the subsequent scannings, be it CT-Scan or MRI scan, became part of my life.  Many times, I wanted to do away with the problems.  It was costly and tiresome.  However, this experience was a kind of blessings in disguise, as I consistently need to be in-touch with my God.

That being said, I wanted to be free from the clutch of this neurological-disorder, to lead a normal life again.  Hope, for the best, is the only option for this, as I have been through the fighting process.  I need to be fully guarded in the hands of my Lord, and that’s how I feel for a decade now.

That day, when I was admitted for monitoring in the Epilepsy Monitoring Unit (EMU) of a city hospital, I deeply hope it will be a life-changing experience for my better living.  Something was spotted in the MRIs few years ago.  For 25 days, Video EEG (VEEG) monitoring test was done on me.   It is done to find out the root cause of the illness, and the possibility of correction by Brain Surgery, which will help controlling the illness.

During the course of VEEG, we (me and my family) prayed hard so that surgery might, somehow, be avoided.  However, my prayers went unanswered or very much heard, I would say.  But at that particular point, God did not work as I’d desired.  His plans are higher than my plans.

It was a long boring procedure, where so many ‘leads’ are attached to my body, especially my head.  Twenty-four hour video surveillance was done, which were focussing on me.  Lying on the bed, in that tiny room, was a not so deary affair.  It was a good time for reading books though.

So, at the end of the day, doctors found enough evidence for going forward with surgery that it might help.  ‘Get prepared and come back for brain surgery’, I was told.  That is the reason why I categorized as unanswered prayer.  Still surgery was needed!

Since brain surgery is a big thing, with many unwanted possible outcome, I was left devastated.  Many prayer request were made, which work for the goodness of me.  My parents spent their time in the prayer cabin, which provided life-line for their son.

Now, surgery was performed on me, which was successful, they said.  I recovered well.  However, there is something in store for me.  Exactly after one month, the least expected occurrence happened.   Those episodes brought me closer to Him, so it was a good experience although it was not as I’d asked for.

Medication can control unwanted experiences by now.  I am grateful for what I had gone through although it was a bitter experience.   Although full recovery seems to be a long distant dream, which, I hope, will happen one day, in His time.

Unwanted yet expected pains and feeling are common.  It becomes an experience of a lifetime.  A lot like a stream in the desert.  Although I am not completely free from the disorder, it is advantage me as of now.  In many ways, unanswered prayers, for the time being, can be useful in our lives.  They are answered but not as we desired, I would say.

For more than three decades in a row, I’d the privilege of using a brain free from wear and tear.  It does not need any servicing or oiling in between, which is above the highly regarded man-made materials and inventions.  And, I am more than thankful for that.

These episodes helped me walk more closely to my Savior.  It becomes an inescapable event, which in many other ways, benefitted my soul deeply.  It is more than I can asked and hope for.

It is well with my soul!

PS: My days in the EMU.