Compassion and Hope: Renewed Every Morning

The same year I’d graduated from University I had seizure. To meet my immediate financial needs I’d started joining a private firm.

It was here, at my workplace, I’d suffered this unusual attack, which plagued my living since then. I was seized and my life-boat capsized. However, I just believe it was some jerking in my brain, which would soon vanish.

My preparations and night-long practices for my dream job had been hit hard. In some major competitive exams for jobs, I’d simply slept away. Yet by God’s grace I secured a job in the banking sector, which I quit later.

In between work, I’ve been juggling and roaming through corridors of several hospitals in the hope of leading smoother life but it wasn’t meant to be, may be, for the time being. Until several years ago, I’d started visiting the Intractable Clinics. I’d witnessed the moaning and giggling, in dereliction, of patients encroaching the corridors of hospital.

Everything happens for a reason; reasons unknown or known, that I believe because I’d experience the other side of life too. Some of those very embarrassing moments are better left behind and forgotten. During the course of time, I was not consumed by my captivator, here seizure or epilepsy, it is because God’s compassion failed not.

My family blueprint, which I’d developed through the years, could not be fully put into practice. The blueprint contained determined sources of income, administration, expressing love, tolerating each other, and holistic way of raising children, and the likes.

Through the struggles, life goes on. I went on to live a normal life, although illness persist, and get blessed in different ways. Sometimes, I termed it as an ‘illness that comes too soon’ mostly because I cannot see in God’s view at this time.

There are times, in between, when it is difficult to find meaning in life. Yet I was not consumed by the work of evil inside my mind because the Compassion of Christ gets renewed every morning.

Although I don’t want to admit it; enduring the pain and physical frailties throughout, was not easy. In the meantime, there are obligations and responsibilities, which can’t ever be ignored.

Compassion and hope among men
Compassion in the midst of suffering

His Compassions Fail Not

I do believe that we all have verses in the Holy Bible, which renewed our hope in the face of adversity. When in financial deepwater and health related issues, I was reminded of several verses. One among them is this:

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. (Read lamentations 3:21-25) These verses has always comforted me and given me hope in times of adversities.

The Prophet Jeremiah had lamented during Jerusalem’s captivity. Chapter 3 of the poem mostly dealt with his personal lamentation on the issue of suffering and God. The compassion of God brings hope to those who seek Him.

When in captives the people of Israelites lived a troubled life. Jeremiah the prophet had witnessed the unfathomable misery of God’s people. The recent prosperity of Jerusalem has made their suffering all the more bitter. It is here in these verses a light of hope was shed again.

They are seized, held as captives by their enemies yet they are not consumed. The Lord was compassionate towards them. Again, let me reiterate here again that in their sufferings they are not consumed.

The Lord their God doesn’t allowed them to be fully consumed. Beyond their ability they get protected. In the hope of returning one day, they still lived on. Through His prophet he showed His compassion towards them in their sufferings.

My Renewed Hope Every Morning

After several years of suffering, I’d undergo Brain Surgery two years ago. The aftermath has been filled with pain.

I’d develop migraines, which makes me, very much, sensitive to my surroundings and the pain was sometime unable to bear. Being devoid of enjoyment in life is a huge challenge.

When I was rushed back to the hospital, it was not easy to endure the pain and shadowy images in my eyes. The day seems to be too long when you are suffering.

I waited for the night to come. I wanted to sleep. It is my hope that the morning would bring me something. Every morning my hope gets renewed.

In the midst of my physical frailties, it was good to have that feeling of hope. I still cherished that moment: when I am able to see the morning light. I’d prayed with huge hope of getting home soon.

All my wearies of yesterday are no more. The night has consumed my pain in the dark. A new morning has broken; a new hope has filled my heart.

The love, mercies, grace, and compassion of the Lord were renewed every morning. It was a glad moment to rediscover I am still alive to see a new day. It is all because of the faithfulness of the Lord.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” The Lord is good to those who wait for Him; to the soul who seek Him.”

In the face adversities, be it financial, health, relationships, His compassions fail not. The Lord gave me hope to carry on in this world.

That hope, at some extent, made living with epilepsy easier. Hope becomes one of the most important pillars of my life.

Living in captivity: a life seized, was not easy. Yet I have this hope that deliverance is assured; and surely on the way.

It was more of a reminder to trust and put my faith in Him, so I weary not. It was a learning phase although it’s difficult. The fruit would be sweet, one day, when the time comes.

It is my hope that He would provide, fulfill, and gave us hope in times to come. We will not be consumed in the process because His (God) compassion fails not! They are renewed every morning.

Living with Epilepsy: A Neurological Condition

Fresh out of college, he was ambitious and happy.   To meet his immediate financial needs, he secured a job in one Multinational Companies.  Now, he was able to buy himself books and practice books for competitive exam in the Public Sector.  Moreover, his joy doubled when his parents agreed with his decision to marry his sweetheart.

Oh! What is that!  While working in his workplace (backend office operations) , first attack of epilepsy came in.  He didn’t know it was epilepsy though.  Nor did he know how severe it was.  However, medicines help him keep the epilepsy under control.  It seems nothing serious is coming to come up soon.

Just after one year, his hard work paid off.  He had a chance to switch his job and he started working in banking sector.   The Bank happened to be the largest PSU bank in the country.  There they lived happily for the moment.  Almost everything seems to fall in place for the time being.

Soon his medication had to be altered many times during which series of hallucinations and side effects of the medicines become a nightmare.  Many times he had to bear the brunt of the illness in his workplace and worst effect was in his preparation for competitive exams (for jobs).  But still, he was happy enough to secure Masters Degree in Political Science over a period of time.

They had been blessed with a son and a daughter after five years of their marriage.  It was a game changing moment for them.  It gave him a new lease of life.  They are the pupil of his life.  But they are living in a place far off from their parents.   It was hard to find help in times of need.  So he left his full-time job to be with his children while his wife worked hard to put meal on the table.  She became the sole bread earner for their family, home away from home.

Nine years since the first attack of epilepsy, the Doctors advice the need for brain surgery to remove the affected portion of the brain.  With no choice available, he willingly underwent right Amygdalohippocampectomy (removing the Amygdala).  The surgery was a success it seems.  He recovered well.  But one more episode of status epilepticus* occurred just one month after the surgery.

After the surgery, he had what they called associated migraine, which becomes a major hindrance in everyday life.  But with the help of medicine it can be controlled at some level though.  Life was a challenge and privilege for him to live.  The illness becomes a major source of his strength in the Lord.  His prayers keep him moving.  The Lord God was good enough to spare his life and grant him a chance to be with Him closely.

At times he was depressed but he was blessed good people by his side to help him recover.  His wife and children are his cheerleaders for the many moody days that come more often.  He wondered, living with epilepsy was a privilege in some way or not.  There he was, waiting for better times to come along the way in life.  Each day he has something to battle by himself, whether mild or severe pain.  Life is hard and that makes it worth living.

Hope, yes hope is all he had.  That too, he almost lost it sometimes.  Many times he prayed to his God to give him the chance to guide his children in the light of the Lord till they become an adult.  Also, to fight for or with them when life’s tempest tossed.

Dear Lord, kindly grant him his prayers but as it is Your will be done on earth.  Give him the courage to live on till he came home to be with you!

*a dangerous condition in which seizures last too long or follow one another without recovery of consciousness between them.

My Child My Care-giver

It has been years that I had suffered from right temporal lobe epilepsy.  Happy enough to have suffered only two attacks at which I was completely unconscious, the other times it was only mild like not being able to move my leg, repeated twitching of eyelid, numbness in the arm, hallucinations, and many more. With the help of medicine frequent attacks are prevented, although I was as if always half awake even during day time.

It was one of those days when I have experience some mild migraine-type headache. I was with my two and a half year old son, alone at home.

I would often say, “Son, I’m gonna lie down for a while because I have headache’’.

He would bow his head in agreement.

“Whenever you want to pee or use potty, you can let me know’” I added.

He would watch his favorite Television program without disturbing me.

But at times he would come to me and said, “Papa, you asleep?” and would touch my head.  When I told him that I’m not asleep, he would go back to watch TV again. After a while, he would come back with the same routine. It became his duty to look after me till I get better.

My son, my friend, and my caregiver!