See My Tears!

Tears in eye
Tears dropping

Tears roll down from my eyes,
Down in my cheek it flows wide.
Put my tears in your bottle;
List my tears on your scroll.
For long I’ve been a sojourner,
Hiding my tears agonized me.

See my tears, O Lord!
Trade my tears with joy!
Let my tears be gel of happiness,
Let my tears be fragrance of my devotion;
Blossoming into glad songs as the ‘Lark’s
Spreading hope in gaiety’s cheer.

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In a pool of tears I’m drown,
Pull me up with thy mighty hand.
Sweep away my wretched life;
Brighten my eyes gleefully.
Ordain my life before you,
Do not be silent at my tears.

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Like a scorned lover I cried,
Devoid of appreciating the stars.
Wandering in a lonely dark night;
Belittled in den of thorns.
Till my tear drops get dry,
Do not be silent at my tears.

See my tears, O Lord!
Trade my tears with joy!
Let my tears be gel of happiness,
Let my tears be fragrance of my devotion;
Blossoming into glad songs as the ‘Lark’s
Spreading hope in gaiety’s cheer.

© 2018, Thuam Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.

Hiding Tears

Hiding tears isn’t easy; it can be agonizingly painful. Tears are an outcome of intense emotional strain caused by certain level of happiness or adverse affect of despair. Tears, once shed, can’t be undone.

Few days ago, I visited the hospital to get my forty minutes video-electroencephalography done. As I get there, I was informed that my time slot gets change, so I had to wait for another two hours. So I reclined myself into the waiting room and read several verses of the Bible from my phone.

Several minutes passed by when a young lady entered the waiting with pieces of cotton still reeling in her hair. She drooped her body down in the corner chair. Before long, I could sense her whimpering in reclusive, hiding herself in the shade of her torn tresses.

She was holding her tear; trying to hide it as much as she could, and she looked tired. So I enquired a little and asked her to let it out, to let her tears flow freely, in the hope that she’d get relived. Hiding tears is hard and it can be tormenting.

The young lady told me that she had the possibility of undergoing brain surgery, which she feared the most. In her words, her long-due sufferings of epileptic disorder gave her no chance to live her dreams. For instance, her dream of meeting her prince charming get shattered and the attacks came in the least expected time.

In a way, I feel blessed to be in that place so that she could let her tears out. Since I’ve the same illness and underwent brain surgery, I try to comfort her in the best possible way I could. However, there’s some gap as we’re of different faith and religion.

As we’re fighting the same disorder, I share her some life hacks: Finding the strength to go on with epilepsy at bay. How God gave me a life and beautiful family, despite in this condition. She told me that sometime she simply cried in a secluded place because of her fate.

Like many, she became that random person, who we met for a short span of time, with heavy heart and we wanted to help. Yet in a moment or two she’s gone with her attendant holding her now. Before she left the room I assured her I’d pray for her and I really did, that day.

When my time slot came, I went in, waited for the technician to put in the electrodes in my scalp. I doze off easily until my video electroencephalography is over, as they read my brain activity. It made me feel grateful to have a supporting people with me throughout my suffering, unlike some sick people, gifted by God for my comfort and care.

Tears one earth
Hiding Tears: For reference purpose only

Tears before God:

We all have tears; by letting it out it eases our suffering or pain. In moments of higher degree of happiness and comfort we still shed our tears. Most people hide their tears, as it can be misleading at times. It is taken as a sign of weakness in many forms.

No one wants to look sad; we wanted to appear happy and spread happiness in the best possible way we could. Yet we are reduced to tears in our most private moments. It is a result of our innate being. We are blessed to have tears, which can flow. It shouldn’t be hidden.

Shedding tears before the Lord our God is by far the most appropriate place. Our God keep counts of our tossing; and put our tears in His bottle. (Psalms 56:8) Our tear drops don’t go in vain.

In my long years of suffering, I too shed tears yet I tried to hide as much as I could. The upside is that some of the tears are tears of joy in the midst of suffering. God sees our tears; this make my sufferings easier though it didn’t took away the pain.

Tears In Secluded Place:

When I’m full of bitterness, emotional strain, and wanted to let it out, I moved into a secluded place to weep before the Lord who is the creator of heaven and earth. Sometimes my secluded place can be in the woods (when I’m in countryside), in the prayer cabins, and the corner of the church.

We are highly privilege to commune with God everywhere, even in our most appropriate or inappropriate timing and place. Appropriate, when we seek our own comfort and place; inappropriate, when we are in the middle of trouble and crowded places. Those tears before the Lord never go in vain, let me reiterated.

It is my believe that no one can tell our pain exactly as it happen. So we tend to hide most the pain inside as well as our tears. And we wanted no one to be intrusive in our life except for some designated or very close persons. Still, there are some who never let their adverse moments known. It might be because it was taken as a quality of manliness.

In a secluded place, no one bothers nor disturbs us, yet God sees us. We can openly let our tears flow crushing the pain of hiding tears. When the tears run dry, sometimes immediately or very lately, the infilling and comfort of the Holy Spirit takes place. Although the waiting period may differ those tears becomes our treasured possession, which makes me move forward.

Man of Tears:

King David, in the Holy Bible, was a Man of Tears. Many instances are given indicating David wept loudly. He wept for God’s people, for committing a sin, and many times because of the adverse situations in his life. Yet he had unfailing hope in the Lord.

For instance, when David and his men found the Amalekites had destroyed Ziklag they wept aloud until they have no strength left to weep. What a sorrowful event recorded in the Bible! Simply the thought of it still haunt me.

But David found strength in the Lord His God, it was recorded. In this time of distress, he turns to the Lord. In short, David and his men run after their enemies, overtake them, and destroyed them recapturing their possessions. (1 Samuel 30)

Tears can be our connecting link with our God thereby regaining our lost strength for our life and mission to carry on. David was a man who openly shed tears before the Lord his God. He said: “My tears have been my food day and night.” (Psalms 42) Many of the Psalms were a cry for help in his most devastating period of his life.

He knows that God is his only possession, his rock and salvation. His salvation comes from the Lord. By opening himself with tears in his eyes, David had the privilege of being closer to the Lord while on earth. Let him be our source of inspiration in our dark days.

Trading Our Leaky Eyes:

In grieving, suffering, and non-anticipated hardship we easily shed our tears. When our life’s underperforming, unable to keep up with peer pressure, and our life’s boat developed leakage it is difficult to continue living joyfully.

When all our innate and acquired wisdom cannot set us free, unable to find alternatives to some living condition, it pains our heart. That pain cause tears to flow behind our eyelid and when it is more painful to hide that tears, remember you are not alone. There must be a purpose for that pain.

In those moments, it is better to turn to God and shed our tears before our Savior. Either way our Savior lifts our heavy heart or gives us the ability and strength to endure that adverse period whether long or short. Our God works for our own good; He’s not selfish and zealous of our happiness and wellbeing.

The same way the Holy Spirit helps us, He intercedes for us with wordless groans. The Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. (Romans 8:26, 27)

Let’s put our leaky eyes before the Lord; Pour out our soul before our Savior. And if it is for His glory, our God will make us whole again.

Tears roll down from my eyes
Down in my cheek it flows wide
Put my tears in your bottle
List my tears on your scroll
For long I’ve been a sojourner
Hiding my tears agonized me

See my tears, Lord!
Trade my tears with joy
Let my tears be gel of happiness
Let my tears be fragrance of my devotion
Blossoming into glad songs as the ‘Lark’s
Spreading hope in gaiety’s cheer

© 2018, Thuam Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.

You will always be mine

As a parent, I am not averse to mild physical punishment of children at home.  But it can be avoided or better still if it’s not necessary at all.  I hope we have our own view regarding it.  We can defend our own views too.  In that way, it depends on the one who use it and who don’t use it.

Years ago, I, unwillingly, had to administered the rod of discipline on my son for the first time.  All the negotiations had failed.  I had already told him if he didn’t abide with the authority (here the father i.e. me), physical punishment may ensue.

The case:  Playing time was over.  He demanded more.  It was time for just 10-15 minutes of learning.  He did not comply.  The authority was challenged.  If the authority can be surpassed every time, it’d had no meaning to its existence.  My son pleaded the wrong way, with crying and throwing the toys.  It was time to do something.

All possible efforts were done to let him know what he did was just wrong.  That is, to remain calm.  It was impossible to condone the situation.  So I administered what was promised, just two times.  He submitted himself right away.

I took him in my arms and held him tight.  We say prayer for forgiveness and ask God to help us in the future.  We acknowledge Him to be our witness.  And that, He bless our effort to be good and inculcate wisdom in the right way.  By the time we finished our prayer, we both said “Amen” in agreement.

My son said, “Papa, sorry!  I will be a good boy…” Tears of happiness ensued.  I gently rubbed his pain with my hands so that the pain might ease soon.   At the same time, I am comforting him.  Assuring him, whether good or bad he will always be mine.  I will always love him.  I also reminded him it was out of love, and it won’t happen again unless otherwise needed.   In a moment, both of us became happy.

By the way, we all need to know there is a higher authority in the society and in the world.  Those who can outrun authority from childhood are a menace to the society.  By the time they grow up, none can teach them the right way.  They cannot live responsibly in the realm of the society.  They have power within them, they thought.

It’s just that we needed to react in time.  Love can sometimes be painful though!

Dear son, I love you more.  You will always be mine!

*(This is written based on my journal some years ago.)

© 2017, Thuam Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.

Unanswered Prayers 1: Closer to Him!

When you most needed it, your prayer seems to be in vain, we are often reminded.   Some prayers are answered immediately while some prayers seem unheard.  That is the reality of life.  We knew it and we wonder why?

Unfortunately, my elder brother became alcoholic.  Many tears were shed for him alone.  My parents and my whole family were in prayer mode for a long time.  My sister-in-law was a true prayer warrior.  She literally cried and shouted, to the Lord, ‘please do your work on my husband’.  Many times I saw her, on her knees, shedding tears before the Lord for her husband.

But then, there was no sign of him returning back to his good life that he’d lived before.   Our earthly eyes cannot see beyond that point.  We did not know how God was working on our brother.  But we knew He has worked His ways.  Our prayers went unanswered or it is very much heard?

Brother was a born-genius.  He doesn’t need training in carpentry works.  He can repair and work on any mechanical work.  He didn’t have the chance to pursue business courses.  Yet he undertook some real estate business very easily under his stride.  He built our house on his own.  He got lots of work done in his lifetime.  So he worked very hard.  He worked much harder than anyone in the family.

We spent our childhood together.  He was a good protector for me and a good fighter than me as well.  We love each other very much.  In whatever he laid his hands, to the fullest he did.  The same goes with wine.

Although we no longer lived in the same town, we had the chance to meet up in his final days.  We walked hand-in-hand, as we did in our childhood days.  We talked about what God has done for us.  The love of God was emphasized.  Brother was soft at heart.  At times, he requested me to lay hands on him and pray in his behalf.  We did that together.  I told him nothing can change the relation between him and God.  Many times he reiterated he was late for change.  His health had already taken toll on him.  But still we prayed.    If all the things are revealed time-to-time, there will be no meaning to life.

We returned back to our places.  After a month I was informed brother left for eternity.  Oh my! Doesn’t God hear our prayers and our request? No, He did.  He worked His ways.  It was hard to bear.  But then God did not make mistakes.  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.*

“But where is the good part here?”  We asked.  We did not have all the answers of everything in this life here on earth.  Some of the things are better untold.  One day we will understand whether here on earth or in heaven, when we have fellowship with the Lord.  When He reveal the good things being promised here, it will be sweet!

When we see Him face-to-face, all things will be whole.  We will get all the answers we wanted for ages.   The Lord declares, Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.”* 

Some questions are better left unanswered.  It draws our heart closer to God.  The time will come when all will be revealed.

To God be the glory.  He holds together all the earth.  The mind cannot measure His majesty.

Romans 8:28, John 16:22

© 2017, Thuam Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.

How I become A Stay-at-Home Dad

“This time I came home to not leave you alone, if (at all) that’s possible”

I said to my one-year old son with tears dropping from my eyes. We hugged each other tightly.

On that fateful day, I did my Exit Interview in the Local Head Office of my former employer. I told them that I am more than happy to work with them for the years I’d been with them.  That’s how my resignation was fully processed and accepted.

This is how it unfolded:

It’s been hard starting a family away from my hometown, with both parents working.  Our hometown was some 1500 odd miles away.  We could only arranged a helper for few months after the birth our first baby.

We waited, our first child, for five years after our marriage.  Unable to arrange alternate ways, we discussed for long.  It was then that we find someone had to sacrifice our current job and take care of our family.

We looked at our first-born child for long and decided I will take care of him, as best as I could.  Taking into account our financial matters, the dice falls on me.

With great enthusiasm, I decided to turn my investments on our child.  All my time, my strength, and the wisdom gained so far.

Keeping on-hold, or to never have, the chance to satisfy my ambitious career, I sacrificed my prestigious banking job in the largest Public Sector Undertakings Bank in India, abruptly.   I could recalled those times, where I had been selected as “Best Employee of the Month” during my time there.

Friends and dear ones warned, “You’d lose social respect or status.”  That seems true.  But this is the reality of life.

Now that’s how I become a fulltime Stay-at-Home Dad some years down the line.

Tips from my parents and those books I’ve read, before and after getting married, helped me alot.  It is a great time to passed on values of life, stay guarded in outh faith.

That’s the career I chose for now, and as long as it takes.  Till date, I regret not!

© 2017, Thuam Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.