The Unforgiving Heart

At length, I tried to calm her.  All my tactics are squandered.  She was unhappy and not enjoying my presence.

At last, I got upset.  I let her be herself.  She still did not show any sign of happiness.  I waited for the time for everything to come back to normal.  I don’t know what her heart wants.

I have no work.  I did not work anymore.  I could not afford anything for her.  But I want her to be happy being with me, which seems to be too much to ask for.  It is difficult.  I am helpless!

She came to me.  She felt wrong, may be sorry.  I am still upset.  I have an unforgiving heart!  I was envious of her attitude.

Let me tell you that I am talking about my two-year-old daughter and me.  We were having trouble today.  I don’t even know how it started.

She has forgiven me.  She was upset no more.  She was smiling bright at my very face.  I need to be happy too.  But I can’t change suddenly.  Slowly, I became happy, seeing her smiling face.

It seems weird, and it is, to most of you.  I’d wished I can be easily happy like her, on many occasions.  It is a very good thing to learn from my child; an intoxicated heart.  Most of all, her forgiving heart, naturally.

However, I am well past that age, I said to myself.  I don’t know if it’s only me.  I have that Unforgiving Heart.  I wanted to forgive and forget, at the least forget many of my past life.  It is not easy.  It simply came back in the most inappropriate time.

It is one of the devices of Satan.  And Satan did take advantage of it. (2 Cor. 2:11)  That is why we feel the pain.

Innumerable times I’d asked God to help me in the process.  And I still am.  Since, it is an infighting that had taken a toll on me.  Most of time, I feel free from the clutches of these sinful practice.  But once, it came back it is harsh.

Love your enemy, the Bible tells.  They are not my enemy but I cannot love them.  I want this phase to pass soon but it has its purpose, which I did not know yet.

Should I be able to express and spit out as easy as I could, I’d hoped it might help a lot.  Most of life’s occurrences are stored inside me.  But when that store room was cleansed there’s no joy that can be compared with!

When the spirit worked inside me, letting Him fully taking control of me, the heart is at peace.  God has forgiven my sin.  So, should I truly be forgiven I must be able to forgive others.  As I said, it is a spiritual battle that needs to be fought every now and then.

“Father, forgive them.  For they do not know what they do.” Jesus Christ pleaded the Father. (Luke 23:34)  Because of this prayer we lived till date.

In Him, we can forgive.  In Him, we can forget.  It is so sweet to trust in Jesus Christ.

Forgiveness can helps us. (Matthew 6:15)  In order to be forgiven, we should forgive others.

This is one of the lessons I’d learn as a Dad.  Still struggling many times yet will overcome with the might of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling in the heart.

It is a battle to conquer the Unforgiving Heart like mine.  I didn’t know yours.

Let me end herewith this verse from the Holy Bible:  “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matt. 19:26)

© 2017, Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.

Author: Siam Ngaihte

My name is Siam Ngaihte I am a Stay-at-Home Dad, by choice, and a freelance content writer based in New Delhi, India.  I’d worked as an Assistant (Accounts & Cash) in State Bank of India for five blissful years.

I have Masters Degree in Political Science. I am fighting Epileptic disorder for the past 10 years.

In my free time, I love to write, share thoughts, and recount simple life stories in village and metropolitan cities. I love life in its simplicity.

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