Hiding Tears

Hiding tears isn’t easy; it can be agonizingly painful. Tears are an outcome of intense emotional strain caused by certain level of happiness or adverse affect of despair. Tears, once shed, can’t be undone.

Few days ago, I visited the hospital to get my forty minutes video-electroencephalography done. As I get there, I was informed that my time slot gets change, so I had to wait for another two hours. So I reclined myself into the waiting room and read several verses of the Bible from my phone.

Several minutes passed by when a young lady entered the waiting with pieces of cotton still reeling in her hair. She drooped her body down in the corner chair. Before long, I could sense her whimpering in reclusive, hiding herself in the shade of her torn tresses.

She was holding her tear; trying to hide it as much as she could, and she looked tired. So I enquired a little and asked her to let it out, to let her tears flow freely, in the hope that she’d get relived. Hiding tears is hard and it can be tormenting.

The young lady told me that she had the possibility of undergoing brain surgery, which she feared the most. In her words, her long-due sufferings of epileptic disorder gave her no chance to live her dreams. For instance, her dream of meeting her prince charming get shattered and the attacks came in the least expected time.

In a way, I feel blessed to be in that place so that she could let her tears out. Since I’ve the same illness and underwent brain surgery, I try to comfort her in the best possible way I could. However, there’s some gap as we’re of different faith and religion.

As we’re fighting the same disorder, I share her some life hacks: Finding the strength to go on with epilepsy at bay. How God gave me a life and beautiful family, despite in this condition. She told me that sometime she simply cried in a secluded place because of her fate.

Like many, she became that random person, who we met for a short span of time, with heavy heart and we wanted to help. Yet in a moment or two she’s gone with her attendant holding her now. Before she left the room I assured her I’d pray for her and I really did, that day.

When my time slot came, I went in, waited for the technician to put in the electrodes in my scalp. I doze off easily until my video electroencephalography is over, as they read my brain activity. It made me feel grateful to have a supporting people with me throughout my suffering, unlike some sick people, gifted by God for my comfort and care.

Tears one earth
Hiding Tears: For reference purpose only

Tears before God:

We all have tears; by letting it out it eases our suffering or pain. In moments of higher degree of happiness and comfort we still shed our tears. Most people hide their tears, as it can be misleading at times. It is taken as a sign of weakness in many forms.

No one wants to look sad; we wanted to appear happy and spread happiness in the best possible way we could. Yet we are reduced to tears in our most private moments. It is a result of our innate being. We are blessed to have tears, which can flow. It shouldn’t be hidden.

Shedding tears before the Lord our God is by far the most appropriate place. Our God keep counts of our tossing; and put our tears in His bottle. (Psalms 56:8) Our tear drops don’t go in vain.

In my long years of suffering, I too shed tears yet I tried to hide as much as I could. The upside is that some of the tears are tears of joy in the midst of suffering. God sees our tears; this make my sufferings easier though it didn’t took away the pain.

Tears In Secluded Place:

When I’m full of bitterness, emotional strain, and wanted to let it out, I moved into a secluded place to weep before the Lord who is the creator of heaven and earth. Sometimes my secluded place can be in the woods (when I’m in countryside), in the prayer cabins, and the corner of the church.

We are highly privilege to commune with God everywhere, even in our most appropriate or inappropriate timing and place. Appropriate, when we seek our own comfort and place; inappropriate, when we are in the middle of trouble and crowded places. Those tears before the Lord never go in vain, let me reiterated.

It is my believe that no one can tell our pain exactly as it happen. So we tend to hide most the pain inside as well as our tears. And we wanted no one to be intrusive in our life except for some designated or very close persons. Still, there are some who never let their adverse moments known. It might be because it was taken as a quality of manliness.

In a secluded place, no one bothers nor disturbs us, yet God sees us. We can openly let our tears flow crushing the pain of hiding tears. When the tears run dry, sometimes immediately or very lately, the infilling and comfort of the Holy Spirit takes place. Although the waiting period may differ those tears becomes our treasured possession, which makes me move forward.

Man of Tears:

King David, in the Holy Bible, was a Man of Tears. Many instances are given indicating David wept loudly. He wept for God’s people, for committing a sin, and many times because of the adverse situations in his life. Yet he had unfailing hope in the Lord.

For instance, when David and his men found the Amalekites had destroyed Ziklag they wept aloud until they have no strength left to weep. What a sorrowful event recorded in the Bible! Simply the thought of it still haunt me.

But David found strength in the Lord His God, it was recorded. In this time of distress, he turns to the Lord. In short, David and his men run after their enemies, overtake them, and destroyed them recapturing their possessions. (1 Samuel 30)

Tears can be our connecting link with our God thereby regaining our lost strength for our life and mission to carry on. David was a man who openly shed tears before the Lord his God. He said: “My tears have been my food day and night.” (Psalms 42) Many of the Psalms were a cry for help in his most devastating period of his life.

He knows that God is his only possession, his rock and salvation. His salvation comes from the Lord. By opening himself with tears in his eyes, David had the privilege of being closer to the Lord while on earth. Let him be our source of inspiration in our dark days.

Trading Our Leaky Eyes:

In grieving, suffering, and non-anticipated hardship we easily shed our tears. When our life’s underperforming, unable to keep up with peer pressure, and our life’s boat developed leakage it is difficult to continue living joyfully.

When all our innate and acquired wisdom cannot set us free, unable to find alternatives to some living condition, it pains our heart. That pain cause tears to flow behind our eyelid and when it is more painful to hide that tears, remember you are not alone. There must be a purpose for that pain.

In those moments, it is better to turn to God and shed our tears before our Savior. Either way our Savior lifts our heavy heart or gives us the ability and strength to endure that adverse period whether long or short. Our God works for our own good; He’s not selfish and zealous of our happiness and wellbeing.

The same way the Holy Spirit helps us, He intercedes for us with wordless groans. The Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. (Romans 8:26, 27)

Let’s put our leaky eyes before the Lord; Pour out our soul before our Savior. And if it is for His glory, our God will make us whole again.

Tears roll down from my eyes
Down in my cheek it flows wide
Put my tears in your bottle
List my tears on your scroll
For long I’ve been a sojourner
Hiding my tears agonized me

See my tears, Lord!
Trade my tears with joy
Let my tears be gel of happiness
Let my tears be fragrance of my devotion
Blossoming into glad songs as the ‘Lark’s
Spreading hope in gaiety’s cheer

© 2018, Thuam Siam Ngaihte. All rights reserved.

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Author: Thuam Siam Ngaihte

My name is Thuam Siam Ngaihte I am a Stay-at-Home Dad, by choice, and a freelance content writer based in New Delhi, India.  I'd worked as an Assistant (Accounts & Cash) in State Bank of India for five blissful years. I have Masters Degree in Political Science. I am fighting Epileptic disorder for the past 10 years. In my free time, I love to write, share thoughts, and recount simple life stories in village and metropolitan cities. I love life in its simplicity.

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